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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bulk mail, #first item, #junk mail, #morale skyrocketed, #remained unopned, #wm1, #walls letter, #only mail

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Wally says to The Boss and Dilbert, "My morale sky-rocketed when I received my first-ever item of bulk mail." Wally continues, "I have designated it 'WM1' for 'Wally's Mail One' and it shall remain forever unopened. The Boss says, "Bulk mail is the same as junk mail." Wally says to the letter, "Don't listen to his lies, WM1."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #reservation, #computers are cardboard, #props, #furniture store, #security prurposes, #frisk me

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Dilbert is at the airport. The Elbonian at the ticket counter of Elbonia Air says, "I don't see your reservation." The Elbonian continues, "Maybe it's because all of our computers are cardboard props that we stole from a furniture store." The Elbonian holds gloves out towards Dilbert and says, "For security purposes, would you care to frisk me?" Dilbert responds, "Yes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2002's comic on:


Tags #win- win scenarios, #customer focused, #solutions, #actual prodcut, #sell, #partner, #shovel

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Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "We provide win-win scenarios and customer-focused solutions." Dilbert responds, "Uh.. Okay.. But what is the actual product or service you sell?" The salesman says, "We don't sell; we partner." Dilbert responds, "I don't buy; I shovel."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2002's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #integrates, #resources, #optimize, #performance, #technology, #integrated

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Headline: The Vendor That Couldn't Describe His Company's Product. A salesman says, "It integrates the resources..." The salesman continues, "To optimize the performance of technology." Dilbert asks, "Yeah, but what is it?" The salesman responds, "Hey, if you don't want your resources to be integrated, just say so."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2002's comic on:


Tags #product launch party, #day and night, #working, #five years, #mime impression, #party, #add much

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A coworker approaches and says, "Can you come to the product-launch party next week?" Dilbert responds, "No. I'll be working day and night for five years to build the product you think you're launching." The coworker says, "Something tells me you don't add much to a party." Dilbert responds, "You haven't seen my mime impression."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2002's comic on:


Tags #investment banker, #deal sheet, #company, #defending, #trillion doallr, #asbestos, #lawsuit, #no earnings, #stock analysts, #business

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Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "Here's a deal sheet for a company you should buy." Dogbert continues, "They're defending against a trillion-dollar asbestos lawsuit, and they have no earnings." Dogbert continues, "But that's okay because stock analysts don't dig that far into the minutiae."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2002's comic on:


Tags #dogebrt attorney, #best defense, #ignorant, #stock manipulation, #convince judge, #dumber than chocolate, #outdoor las vegas, #photo convention

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Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert says to The Boss, "Your best defense is to say you were ignorant of your company's stock manipulation." Dogbert continues, "We need to convince a judge that you're dumber than chocolate pants at an outdoor Las Vegas photography convention." The Boss replies, "I don't get that." Dogbert says, "E-E-Excellent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2002's comic on:


Tags #client, #to dumb, #embezzle, #dogbert the lawyer, #calling jury dumb

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Dilbert says to a jury, "I will prove that my client is too dumb to embezzle." Dogbert continues, "Or, failing in that, I'll prove that you're too dumb to know he did it." The judge starts, "Mister Dogbert..." Dogbert interrupts, "Don't get me started about you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2002's comic on:


Tags #drop by iq, #measure of drop by visitor, #stay in cubicle, #one hour

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Dilbert is sitting on the couch at home. Dogbert says, "I've developed a new theory of intelligence that I call 'Drop-by-I.Q.'" Dogbert continues, "It's a measure of how long a drop-by visitor will stay in your cubicle when you're trying to work." The Boss is standing in Alice's cubicle. He says, ..."And that's why I'm afraid of bananas." Alice looks at her clock and thinks, "One hour and counting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2002's comic on:


Tags #burned down, #customer headquaters, #employee screws up, #performance reviews, #demo unit

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. He says to The Boss, "Don't give performance reviews on time." Catbert continues, "Wait until an employee screws up something big, then pounce!" A frazzled employee with torn clothes and smoking hair says to The Boss, "...I forgot to unplug the demo unit and it burned down our customer's headquarters." The Boss asks, "Do you have a minute?"