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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2003's comic on:


Tags #bone deep, #carefree, #medication, #shellfish, #until the pun, #beauty, #side effect, #health

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Dilbert is at a party; he has an exoskeleton. He's holding a drink and talking to a woman. Dilbert says, "My medication makes me carefree and happy, but the side effect is an exoskeleton." Dilbert continues, "Remember the old saying - 'Beauty is only skin deep.'" He giggles, "Hee hee." Dilbert continues, "But enough about me. I don't want to look shellfish." The woman responds, "You had a chance until the pun."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2003's comic on:


Tags #respond email, #reply, #vicious cycle, #voice mails

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "You don't respond to my e-mail anymore." The Boss replies, "When I reply to e-mail, it attracts more e-mail. I'm trying to break the vicious cycle." Dilbert says, "Well.. I'll leave you voice-mails." The Boss answers, "Let me know how that works out for you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2003's comic on:


Tags #chronic lateness, #repertoire, #classic excuses, #traffic, #loserville, #jinx

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Wally says to Dilbert, "I've decided to add chronic lateness to my repertoire." Wally continues, "I'll start with the classic excuses: car problems, traffic, and misplaced items. Then I'll branch out." Dilbert says, "You're the mayor of Loserville." Wally replies, "Don't jinx it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2003's comic on:


Tags #user requirements, #build system, #some actual work, #crazy talk

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Dilbert is meeting with a client. Dilbert says, "I'll design the system as soon as you give me the user requirements." The client responds, "Better yet, you could build the system, then I'll tell your boss that it doesn't meet my needs." Dilbert says, "I don't mean to frighten you, but you'll have to do some actual work." The client responds, "That's crazy talk."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2003's comic on:


Tags #actively isleads, #hypocrite, #marketing, #table, #talk to furniture, #tell people, #you mislead cutsomers, #business

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Dogbert is standing on a desk, still in his magician's hat. Dilbert says, "You have to stop telling people that you can talk to furniture. It's not right." Dogbert replies, "You work for a company that actively misleads customers. How's that different?" Dilbert says, "We call it marketing, and we don't wear hats." Dogbert responds, "The table says you're a hypocrite."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #enjoy opportunity, #new paranoid employee, #not invied, #plotting, #peri noid, #perimeno

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Headline: Peri Noid. Dilbert, Alice, and Peri Noid are sitting. Alice says to Dilbert, "We'll have the data by Tuesday." Peri Noid asks, "How do you know that?" Peri Noid says, "You must be getting invited to meetings and then saying, 'Don't invite Peri.'" Alice turns to Dilbert and asks, "Would it be wrong to enjoy this opportunity?" Peri points her finger and exclaims, "Plotting!! Right there!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2003's comic on:


Tags #new guy, #middles part, #forbid, #near work space, #not good people, #1970's called

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Dilbert introduces the new coworker to Carol, "Carol, this is our new guy, Harry Middlepart." Harry extends his hand. Carol responds, "I don't approve of your hairstyle. I forbid you to be near my workspace." Carol holds out the phone and yells, "The seventies called. They want their hair back!!" Harry says to Dilbert as they walk away, "She's not good people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #mood swings, #deficit, #piece of dirt, #Family, #defect, #defected worker

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The Boss introduces a new co-worker to Dilbert, "Dilbert, this is Irene. I don't yet know what her defect is." Irene yells, "Stop being rude to me, you piece of dirt!!!" Irene hugs Dilbert and says, "We're like family now." The Boss says, "I'm thinking: mood swings."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2003's comic on:


Tags #coffee rehadb, #rip beard, #death, #state name, #coffee addicting withdrawl, #sleeping, #mean, #nasty, #cutting, #violent, #falls asleep, #medical

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Headline: Coffee Rehab. A man stands at a podium and says, "State your name and how long you've been without coffee." The audience is asleep except for one angry patient who says, "I am going to rip off your little beard and beat you to death with it." The man at the podium thinks to himself, "Don't panic... wait... wait...." The angry patient continues, "And then I'll... um... zzzzzzz, zzzzz, zzz."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #fooglepoopillion, #embarrased, #tell the truth, #best policy, #honesty, #what you say

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Dilbert is at home. He says to Dogbert, "My company lost a frooglepoopillion dollars. I'm embarrassed to tell people where I work." Dogbert responds, "Never be afraid to tell the truth about yourself." Dilbert asks, "Because honesty is the best policy?" Dogbert replies, "Because no one pays any attention to what you say."