Catbert asks The Boss, "Why aren't you signed up for the 401K?" The Boss says to Catbert, "I'd never be able to run that far." The Boss says to Catbert, "I did a 10K wheelchair race once. The guy who pushed me still has whip marks."
Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "I'm broke. The company declared bankruptcy and my 401k savings are worthless." Dogbert replies, "No, I've been impersonating you and diversifying your investments into tobacco, sweat shops, and diamond mines." Dilbert says, "Really?! How am I doing?" Dogbert responds, "It's mixed. You have a 37% return but your soul will burn for eternity."
Wally is sitting at his computer. Alice approaches and says, "Wally, what are we going to do now that we're bankrupt and our 401k money is gone?" Wally responds, "No problem. I've been investing all of my money in our competitor's stock. Now I'm rich." Alice asks, "Why do you still come to work?" Wally responds, "I don't know how to make coffee."
"Catbert, the Evil Director of Human Resources."
"Your 401K Retirement Plan will be replaced with a 401A plan."
"The 'A' stands for afterlife."
"You'll get no money in this life, but the company will reward you in the afterlife."
"The odds of that happening seem low."
"Yes, but on an expected-value basis, a high potential reward compensates for low odds."
"For example, how many free software upgrades would I need to promise you in the afterlife to make you work yourself to death this year?"
"I resisted his charisma. But he got me with his math."