Search Results for "Ceo"


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Share August 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags: new head regulator, small man, pocket, pet head, breast feed, lactate, kibble, drinks, ceo Transcript

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CEO says, "Have you met the new head regulator for our industry?" CEO says, "At first it was inconvenient to feed him." CEO says, "Luckily I started lactating." Man says, "Have you tried kibble?"

Ceo Tosses Catbert

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Share June 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags: executive, ceo, delegate, respoinsibilities, punishment Transcript

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CEO: You have been doing dumb things on social media. I am going to toss our evil director of Human Resources in your direction and run away. I love a lot of things about being CEO, but I think I love delegating the most. Boss: Gaaaa!!!

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Share April 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags: engineers, ventriloquism, managers & supervisors Transcript

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Man says, "The engineering department is finishing all of their projects early and we don't know why." CEO says, "Tell them to do a powerpoint presentation at the next executive retreat to share their methods." Asok says, "Now it's my turn to use the dead boss hand puppet!" Alice says, "Uh-oh."

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Share April 14, 2011's comic on:


Tags: ignorance (knowledge), laziness Transcript

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CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

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Share April 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags: children drawing & painting, big business, executives Transcript

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CEO: I'm adding a few layers of management below me. The new layers are VP, AVP, Director, dolphin, inanimate object, and chalky substance. If you have any issue, I encourage you to talk to the chalky substance.

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Share April 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags: interviews, executives Transcript

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Dogbert says, "I don't like people." Dogbert says, "What makes your company so profitable?" CEO says, "I give all of the credit to our fine employees." Dogbert says, "Is that another way of saying you're overpaid and useless?" CEO says, "Um... no. I'm their leader. I set the direction." Dogbert says, "Because the employees are too dumb to set their own direction?" CEO says, "No! They're smart!" Dogbert says, "But not as smart as you?" CEO says, "Who's going to see this?" Dogbert says, "No one, assuming you're the highest bidder." Dogbert's CEO Interview Series

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Share February 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags: business ethics, executives Transcript

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Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"

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Share May 28, 2011's comic on:


Tags: worry, business panics Transcript

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Boss: Hackers got through our firewall. CEO: Launch escape pod! Two questions: What is a firewall? And who designed my escape pod?

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Share August 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags: business ethics, taxes Transcript

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Dogbert: The great thing about being a sociopath is that everything feels like a victimless crime. If you give me some insider information for my hedge fund, I'll split the profit with you. Think of it as a tax on people you don't know. CEO: That's the best kind!

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Share September 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags: commerce, competition (psychology) Transcript

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Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.