Dilbert sits at his computer. The boss stands. Dilbert says, "We've digitized and indexed the world's greatest art. This is 'The Last Supper.'" The boss says, "Nice but..." The boss says, "The composition is cluttered. Delete a few of those guys. Do you have any clip art of bagels?" The boss says, "Do they look happy?" Dilbert says, "Compared to me, yes."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's go around the table and share our accomplishments." Dilbert says, "I created a document this week." Dilbert continues, "But THIS is no ordinary document!" Dilbert explains, "I bought a $500 desktop publishing program and took a two-day class to learn it." Dilbert continues, "I incorporated digitized photos and color highlights in a multi-column page layout!" Dilbert continues, "Clip-art icons are sprinkled liberally around the page to form a visual mosaic!" Dilbert continues, "Next week - God willing - I'll add a topic and some content." The Boss says, "Do you remember when I said you should enjoy your work? I didn't mean it." Dilbert says, "Ooh."
Dilbert enters the Boss's office. He says, "Here's my project plan as you requested." Dilbert explains, "Our team is already working day and night on other projects." Dilbert continues, "I assumed we'd give up eating, sleeping and bathing to fit this in." Dilbert continues, "By the second week we'll be starving, delirious and stinking." Dilbert continues, "We'll be like wild, unpredictable animals." Dilbert continues, "Specifically, we'd be like wild chipmunks. None of us are very aggressive." Dilbert points to the proposal and says, "This clip art represents us in week three as a pile of dead chipmunks." Wally asks Dilbert, "Now he wants it in two weeks?" Dilbert says, "Never mix sarcasm with good clip-art."
Dilbert says, "the biggest risk to the project is our own thundering incompetence." Duh! Dilbert says, "It is a known fact that every project has at least one irredeemable imbecile." The boss says, "I have a vague, uneasy feeling about your clip art."
The Boss says, "Our policy is to put people in careers that match their looks." Asok says, "I thought that was a coincidence." The Boss says, "Your botched nose job makes you too unconventional to be an engineer." Asok says, "No!" Woman says, "Welcome to the art department." Man says, "Man, I wish I was brave enough to get a snout."
Asok in the art department Woman says, "Is that a botched nose job, which would be tragic?" Woman says, "Or a bold artistic statement, which would be totally hot?" Asok says, "It started out as a mistake, but I'm keeping it for the improved airflow. How hot is that?"
Asok in the art department Man says, "Maybe you could try homeopathy to fix your botched nose job." Asok says, "Maybe you could try homeopathy to fix your irrational belief in things that have no scientific basis." Man says, "You sort of hurt my feelings there." Asok says, "Didn't your astrologer warn you about Scorpios?"
Woman says, "Maybe we could take a pottery class together." Dilbert says, "Sure. I love acquiring unattractive dishware in an expensive and inefficient way." Woman says, "It's called art." Dilbert says, "Maybe we could whittle some art spoons too."
Man says, "I work here to pay the bills but I'm actually an artist." Dilbert says, "Wow. You must be a terrible artist if you have to work here just to eat." Man says, "My work isn't commercial." Wally says, "It's not really art if no one likes it."
Asok: Wally, should I try to become indispensable so I won't be fired? Wally: No. Indispensable people end up working too hard because they can't risk showing anyone else how to do what they do. Asok: Being useless seems riskier. Wally: Have you seen the tie clip I got for 20 years of service?