Search Results for "Dogbert"


Displaying the first 1000 most relevant results.

Thank you for voting.

Share January 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags: ceo, incompetent, dogbert investment bank, shareholder, bribe, merger, unwise, commission, best seller, read, jail Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "You're an incompetent CEO, but the Dogbert Investment Bank can help you pretend to unlock shareholder value." Dogbert says, "I'll arrange an unwise merger so you can cash out while I collect an obscene commission." Dogbert says, "It's like a bribe, but instead of going to jail, a stranger will write a bestselling book with your name on it." CEO says, "Can I read it?"

Thank you for voting.

Share March 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags: party, woman, date, hold drink, invent, shoulder phone, old man's head, soup, bones, scary, arm out, surprised, run away, scared, Dogbert, trick, auto-answer, kiss Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "It's a shoulder phone shaped like an old man's head. I invented it myself." Phone says, "Let's make soup from her bones, just like the others!" Dilbert says, "I shouldn't have told Dogbert it has auto-answer." Phone says, "Kiss me! Now!"

Thank you for voting.

Share March 29, 2011's comic on:


Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "I'm writing fake press releases for imaginary new green energy technologies." Computer says, "Scientists say that by 2040 you will be able to power your entire home with the breeze from your refrigerator door." Dilbert says, "Now how will I know which green breakthroughs are real?" Dogbert says, "Seriously? You think there are real ones?"

Thank you for voting.

Share March 30, 2011's comic on:


Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "I'm ready to hold a press conference to introduce my cold fusion breakthrough." Dilbert says, "All you did is put a lightbulb in a jar. I can see the wires plugged into the outlet." Dilbert says, "You have a low opinion of people." Dogbert says, "I considered using a jar with frosted glass, but it seemed like overkill."

Thank you for voting.

Share March 31, 2011's comic on:


Transcript

Transcript

Press Conference Dogbert says, "As you can clearly see, I have created cold fusion." Man says, "That's not cold fusion. It's just a jar with a lightbulb." Dogbert says, "Here's some more news: No one cares what the camera guy thinks." Woman says, "It's free energy!"

Thank you for voting.

Share April 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags: internet & world wide web, fraternization Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: You need to create a product that gives people the illusion of being friends with ghosts. Boss: People only want real friends, not imaginary ones. Your idea is ridiculous. Dogbert: How many friends do you have on Facebook? Boss: Seven hundred. Why?

Thank you for voting.

Share April 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags: internet & world wide web, computers & peripherals, fraternization Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Our new product will be a social network for people who want to be friends with ghosts. We'll post satellite pictures on each ghost's personal page and say the photos were taken from heaven. Man: Abraham Lincoln posted new pictures. Woman: I'm chatting with Gandhi! Later.

Thank you for voting.

Share April 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags: business ethics, guilt Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our products only appeal to people who aren't good at comparison shopping. But I justify it because our existence prevents competitors from raising prices. Am I a bad person? Dogbert: I molt a little bit every time you talk.

Thank you for voting.

Share April 28, 2011's comic on:


Tags: internet & world wide web, anxiety Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I have so many passwords and email accounts and user names that I don't know what goes to what. I'm lost. If you can't help me I think I might snap. Dogbert: No problem. What's your password recovery PIN code? Noise: SNAP! Dogbert's password recovery service.

Thank you for voting.

Share April 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags: annoyance, internet & world wide web, anxiety Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Are you trying to recover a password, PIN code, user name, pass code or code word? Man: I hate this stupid complicated planet! I am so out of here! Dogbert's password recovery service. And that is how Floyd became the first person to hold his breath and jump into outer space.