Search Results for "Executive Compensation"


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Share September 02, 2006's comic on:


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Executive Compensation Review Board "How much should we pay our CEO if he just shows up for work?" "FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS!!!" honk honk "The clown makes a good argument." "Aye!"

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Share June 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags: committee, meeting, yelling, orders, servants Transcript

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "You two are my executive compensation committee." Ratbert says, "I live to serve you, my lord and master!" Dogbert says, "Dial it back just a little." Bob says, "Are we allowed to kneel?"

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Share June 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags: stealing, stupidity, confronting, ridiculous, pirate Transcript

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Man says, "It's a conflict of interest for you to be our CEO and also a pirate who kidnaps our employees." Dogbert says, "The executive compensation committee approved this arrangement. It's all spelled out in my employment agreement." Man says, "So it is." Dogbert says, "Wait here while I call myself and ransom you back to the office."

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Share November 30, 2003's comic on:


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"I'd like you to meet Bradley, our new manager of executive compensation." "Bradley's job is to recommend to our board how much to pay company executives such as me." "Bradley is totally objective." "Totally." "That was a world-class observation, so I'll recommend that the company buy you a pony." "...A STRONG pony to carry the huge bags of cash I recommend for you." "Good work, Bradley. I'll recommend to the board that you get a huge raise!" "Gaaa!! Stop pretending to have reasons!! Just steal the stupid money!!!" "See what I have to deal with every day?" "Would an extra month of vacation reduce the sting?"

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Share March 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags: walk, outside, project, budget, executive cancel, wag tail, evil, cure, incompetence, back shot, stand on stump Transcript

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Dilbert says, "We realized our project can't work even if we execute it perfectly." Dilbert says, "Our boss' plan is to go over budget, attract attention, and hope an executive cancels our project for his own political reasons." Dogbert says, "Now do you agree that evil is the cure for incompetence?" Dilbert says, "Don't make me say it."

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Share July 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags: compensation, pay, money, bonus, denial, rejection, confused, stupidity, cruel Transcript

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The boss says, "I can't give you a bonus because another division had huge losses." Dilbert says, "Remind me again why my bonus is tied to the performance of strangers?" The boss says, "I shouldn't tell you this, but we model our compensation program after practical jokes."

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Share April 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags: engineers, ventriloquism, managers & supervisors Transcript

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Man says, "The engineering department is finishing all of their projects early and we don't know why." CEO says, "Tell them to do a powerpoint presentation at the next executive retreat to share their methods." Asok says, "Now it's my turn to use the dead boss hand puppet!" Alice says, "Uh-oh."

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Share January 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags: commerce, economic policy Transcript

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The Boss says, "We've decided to use the new tax incentives on the projects we were going to do anyway." The Boss says, "The tax savings will go toward executive bonuses, which stimulate the economy via the 'trickle on your heads' theory." Alice says, "It's called the 'trickle down' theory." The Boss says, "Not on poker night."

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Share September 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags: writing, writing materials Transcript

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Boss: Can you word that more simply? I need to explain it to the executive leadership. Alice: Money be god. This make more. Oogah! Boss: That was uncalled for? Alice: I can replace the pie chart with a kitten.

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Share January 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags: big business, business ethics Transcript

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Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.