Search Results for "Green Consultant"


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Dogbert the Green Consultant "Stop eating, breathing, driving, defecating, and procreating." "Sit in the dark and decompose on some garden seeds." "Or do you admit you hate Earth?" "A little."

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Dogbert the green consultant "Try ramming your SUV into hybrid cars." "That should stop them from using fuel altogether." "You can't save the Earth unless you're willing to make other people sacrifice." "I'm in."

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Dogbert the green consultant "Your coworkers have identified you as a source of methane." "If we capture this free source of energy we can power a small office building." "I give and I give."

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Share February 01, 2010's comic on:


Tags: meeting, hire, consultant, raise morale, pointless, magic, feel good Transcript

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The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to raise your morale by making you glad you're not him." Ratbert says, "No one loves me. My life is pointless. I eat old soap." The Boss says, "Now let the magic begin." Dilbert says, "I feel good about not eating old soap." Ratbert says, "Cha!"

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Share February 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags: dead, afterlife, evicted, management, teach, learn, consultant, devil, late, status report, locusts Transcript

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The Boss says, "Technically, I was dead for a week. But I was evicted from the afterlife and had to come back." The Boss says, "The afterlife has a lot to teach us about management. I brought home a consultant." Dilbert says, "I might be late with my status report." The Boss says, "Do you know what locusts taste like?"

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Share March 12, 2010's comic on:


Tags: meeting, weekly report, feng shui, workspace, ceo, consultant, record, microphone, nervous, disbelief, excuse, superstition Transcript

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Wally says, "I couldn't work this week because my workspace has bad Feng Shui." Wally says, "I know Feng Shui is a real thing because our CEO hired a Feng Shui consultant to design his office." Wally says, "Do you agree, or are you saying that our CEO is a superstitious simpleton?"

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Share July 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags: statue of liberty, destroy, pr, responsibility, clean up, new york harbor, light show, weapon demo, consultant, cuba, air force, sink, yell, angry, private jet, head Transcript

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Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "So you accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty?" Dogbert says, "Her head is floating toward Cuba, and the president will probably order the air force to sink it." CEO says, "I should watch that from my private jet." Dogbert says, "FOCUS!"

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Share August 03, 2010's comic on:


Tags: empire consultant, crown, king, employees, undproductive, ineffecient, brow, windshield Transcript

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Dogbert the empire consultant Dogbert says, "Make your employees less productive. That way your CEO will let you hire more of them." Dogbert sys, "Inefficiency is the same thing as leadership. A king needs an entire country just to wipe his?" The Boss says, "Brow?" Dogbert says, "I was going to say windshield." The Boss says, "Brow is catchier."

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Share August 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags: empire consultant, crown, king, attendance, present, luck, bit rate, lab coat, raise hand Transcript

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Dogbert the empire builder consultant Dogbert says, "Success is just attendance plus luck." Dogbert says, "You always want to be in the general vicinity when something good happens." Dilbert says, "Wow. I just doubled the bit rate." Boss says, "Present!"

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Share November 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags: security consultant, meeting, angry, shake, ears up, surprise, fillings, dentist, id badge Transcript

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Dogbert the Security Consultant Dogbert says, "Anyone without an I.D. badge is assumed to be an enemy combatant." Dogbert says, "Pounce on the intruder and shake him until his fillings fall out!" Alice says, "How much did we pay for that advice?" Dogbert says, "It's free. I work for the dentist across the street."