Search Results for "Marketing Fraud"


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Share May 02, 1997's comic on:


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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to work with our marketing people to design a product brochure." Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert sits at a conference table with a man from marketing. The man says, "Remember, what we do here might seem like criminal fraud but it's not. It's marketing!" Dilbert says, "Okay, as long as it's not wrong . . ." The man says, "Here's a jar to keep your conscience in. I'll put it in the closet with mine."

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Share February 18, 2010's comic on:


Tags: helen fry, ombudsman, devil, no pupils, blank eyes, soul, take, marketing, meeting, asset, volunteer, excited, raise hand, lie Transcript

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Asok says, "Our ombudsman took my soul in exchange for a favorable view." Asok says, "I'd like a transfer to marketing, where having no soul is widely considered an asset." Man says, "I need someone who can make our product sound competitive without vomiting on his own copy." Asok says, "Ooh! Ooh!"

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Share May 12, 2010's comic on:


Tags: reprimand, sign-off, marketing, paper, vivid memory, unicorns, false, conversation Transcript

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The Boss says, "I told you to get a sign-off from marketing before you sent this around." Dilbert says, "How vivid is your false memory of that conversation?" The Boss says, "It's plenty vivid." Dilbert says, "Were unicorns involved?"

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Share June 18, 2010's comic on:


Tags: therapy, cellphone, apps, crazy, marketing, steve jobs, worried, lie down Transcript

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Tina says, "I can't stop buying phone apps that I don't need. Am I crazy?" Therapist says, "Yes, you are totally batspit crazy. You'll need many sessions." Therapist says, "Steve Jobs isn't the only one who can do marketing."

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Share September 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags: new employee, coworker, meeting, introduce, front, marketing, social media, facebook, twitter, blog, scared, point, accuse, fire Transcript

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The Boss says, "Beth is our new marketing manager for social media." The Boss says, "By the way, company policy forbids the use of Facebook and Twitter at work. And we don't trust you to work from home." The Boss says, "If you blog about how lame we are, you're fired!!!" Beth thinks, "First day, not so good."

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Share September 14, 2010's comic on:


Tags: meeting, facebook, twitter, marketing, social media, new employee, coworker, cats, drunk, stupid Transcript

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Beth says, "As the marketing manager for social media, my job is to use these two words a lot." Beth says, "Marketing through social media is like herding cats. And just to make it interesting, many of the cats are drunk and stupid." Dilbert says, "Burn." Catbert says, "I am totally defriending that witch."

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Share October 01, 2010's comic on:


Tags: marketing, meeting, big mouth, open, stupid, product, guess Transcript

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Man says, "Our marketing campaign depends on a word of mouth. Unfortunately, our product is bad." Man says, "So we found a guy with poor judgment and a huge mouth to say good things." Man 2 says, "Present." Dilbert says, "Marketing isn't a real thing, is it?" Man says, "It's mostly guessing."

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Share October 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags: sales, bonus, boss, raise target, engineer, connect cables, computers, time machine, marketing, liquor Transcript

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Ken says, "I hate sales. Can you cross-train me to be an engineer?" Dilbert says, "Absolutely. All you need is a time machine and a brain with twice as many folds as your current model." Ken says, "Maybe I could try marketing." Dilbert says, "That's just liqour and guessing."

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Share July 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags: marketing, harmful, product, military, injury, excited, violence Transcript

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Marketing Man says, "How do we market a product that is known to trigger dispondency and self-mutilation?" Woman says, "So?It has a military application?" Soldier says, "I thought it was just software, but before I knew it I was stabbing myself." General says, "Get me a trillion of there."

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Share December 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags: demon, marketing, confusion, anger, price, customer Transcript

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The Boss says, "Our new director of marketing is an angry demon of some sort." The Boss says, "He's in charge of making our prices impossible for customers to understand." Woman says, "What the #%!* kind of price is "it depends"? Asok says, "He makes me say these things."