Search Results for "Programming Coding"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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How's the coding coming along? "No problem unless..." "...some moron tries to standardize on a new programming methodology in the middle of the project." "What if it's me instead of some moron guy?"

Wally And Agile Programming

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Wally And Agile Programming - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #avoid, #evasion, #acrobatics

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Boss: I'll ask Wally to write this software. I haven't seen him since he took that agile programming class.

Programming Environment

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Programming Environment - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #productivity, #programmer, #engineer, #developer

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Boss: Did you finish writing the software? Dilbert: No. I spent the last three days setting up my programming environment. Boss: So... you've done... nothing? Dilbert: Nothing you'd understand.

Perfect Boyfriend Robot

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Perfect Boyfriend Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #love, #programming, #free will, #manipulation

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Alice: I'm changing your programming to make you my perfect boyfriend. Robot: This feels wrong on so many levels. Alice: How about now? Robot: Um... now i love you. That's weird.

Robot Attacks Boss

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Robot Attacks Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #machines, #computers, #fighting, #violence, #programming

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Boss: Our robot viciously attacked me. I was barely able to fight him off. You know what you need to do. Dilbert: I'm programming you to fight better. Robot: Thanks. I'm not a good finisher.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

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Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

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Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #computer software

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Boss: Wally, did you finish coding the paywall for our website? Wally: I did something better. I wrote a script to delete any new content as soon as it's posted. At bonus time, keep in mind that you're the one who had the idea to eliminate revenue, and I'm the one who lowered hosting costs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #frustration

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Boss: Did I remember to tell you before you finished the coding that the user's specifications changed? Dilbert: AAAIII-YIIIII-YIIII-YIII!!! Boss: So, no-ish? Dilbert: BAM! BAM! BAM!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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An older man, Dilbert and Wally sit at the lunch table. The man says, "When I started programming, we didn't have any of these sissy 'icons' and 'windows.'" The man continues, "All we had were zeros and ones - and sometimes we didn't even have ones." The man continues, "I wrote an entire database program using only zeros." Dilbert asks, "You had zeros? We had to use the letter 'O.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 1997's comic on:


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Catbert says to Wally, "I can't raise your salary level because you don't have ten years experience with 'Java' coding." Wally raises his hand and says, "Nobody has ten years experience with new technology! You're just being evil. Admit it." Catbert's head spins. Wally says, "And could you please shake your head back and forth instead of spinning it around?"