Search Results for "Project Resources"
Share May 25, 2010's comic on:
Alice says, "Guess what, Ted? I volunteered to run a critical project while knowing I don't have enough resources." Alice says, "When it becomes a crisis, I will delcare martial law and order you to become my flunky." Alice says, "In your face, puppet boy!" Ted says, "This day is turning out to be a little extra sucky."
Share May 25, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert says, "I'll never be able to finish my project on time." The Boss says, "You need to take ownership." Dilbert says, "Can I hire more programmers?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Can I reduce the number of features?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "So...I'm just taking ownership of the failure?" The Boss says, "Don't be greedy."
Share September 12, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert says, "I need more resources on my project." The Boss says, "I'll give you someone from Alice's project." Dilbert says, "Then Alice won't have enough resources." The boss says, "I can only solve one problem at a time." Alice says, "Did he solve your problem?" Dilbert says, "I'm going to say yes."
Share October 16, 2009's comic on:
the Boss says, "Alice, I'd like you to work with Ted on this project." Alice says, "Ted's a drama queen. Working with him will just slow me down." Ted says, "Hello? Human resources? Alice is being a bully." Alice says, "And so it begins."
Share January 26, 2015's comic on:
Share June 20, 2016's comic on:
Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.
Share February 18, 1994's comic on:
"Although I'm technically the 'Boss' I believe it's my job to make resources available to you, the common employees." "I need more money for my project." "Sorry, all gone." "Maybe I'll get on your calendar so we can discuss it." I've got twenty minutes next summer."
Share September 22, 1995's comic on:
The Boss approaches Alice who is seated at her desk. He asks, "Alice, I've decided to add a resource to your project." Alice screams, "We're human beings, not 'resources!!'" The Boss looks stunned as he replies, "Would it help if I told you that resources are our most valuable asset?"
Share April 16, 1996's comic on:
The night shift manager brings a dog into Alice's cubicle and says to Alice, "This dog is specially trained to detect wasted resources." As the dog begins sniffing, the night manager continues, "He'll help me find out why your project is behind schedule even after adding me as manager." The dog holds an arrow with his tail and points it at the night manager. The manager says, "We'll begin as soon as he's done playing around."
Share March 26, 1998's comic on:
Man comes up to Dilbert and introduces himself, "I'm the Rag Man from Project Luser." Rag Man says, "Budget cuts have hit our project hard. I'm forced to beg for resources." Dilbert holds out something and says, "I can spare some pencil shavings." Rag Man says, "Excellent! We make coffee out of that."