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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #alcoholic beverages, #retreat, #officers, #company slogan, #new slogan, #stop spitting, #alcohol involved

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Boss: Our officers came up with a new company slogan after two weeks at a retreat. The new slogan is "Shtop spitting ahn me when you talk!" We believe alcohol was involved.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #alcoholic beverages, #executive retreat, #executives, #lower prices, #price war, #prices, #profit margin, #strategy

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Boss: Our new strategy is to lower our prices to increase sales. Dilbert: So our strategy is to start a price war and drive our profit margin to zero? Boss: It made sense at the executive retreat. Alice: Was alcohol involved?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #hard work, #lateral promotion, #new job, #old job, #money involved, #saving it

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Boss: I'd like to reward you for your hard work by giving you a lateral promotion. I was going to hire from the outside, but I realized I can make you do the new job plus your old one. Dilbert: Is money involved? Boss: Yes! I'm saving a ton of it!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #executives, #ignorance (knowledge), #technical details, #idea, #deciosns, #people involved, #pale and poorly dressed, #business

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Boss: Stop right there. Don't tell me the technical details of your idea. I make my decisions based on what I know about the people involved. Dilbert: You know less about me than you know about my idea. Boss: Is your idea pale and poorly dressed?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #more involved, #project, #roll up sleeves, #work buttons

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a desk. The Boss enters and says, "I've decided to get more involved with your project." Wally and Dilbert think, "Uh-oh." The Boss continues, "I'm just going to roll up my sleeves and pitch in." Trying to unbutton his sleeve cuffs, the Boss says, "Does anybody know how to work these buttons?" Wally covers his eyes with his hands and Dilbert leans back in disgust.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #fertility drug, #doctors office, #babies, #woman involved, #diapers, #prescription, #painful shots

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Dilbert in doctor's office. Dilbert asks the doctor, "My dog slipped me a fertility drug. How soon before I give birth?" The doctor says, "Um...it's impossible to have babies unless a woman is involved in some way." Dilbert says, "Ooh, right, for the diapers." The doctor says, "I'm going to give you a prescription for painful shots."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #donate, #campaign, #drill for oil, #opppenets lawn, #bureau of alcohol tobacco firearms, #Politics

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Dogbert: "donate to my campaign, and I'll let you drill for oil in my opponent's lawn." "And I'll appoint you to run the bureau of alcohol, tobacco and firearms." Man: "Is that as fun as it sounds?" Dogbert: "Not for your neighbors."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2003's comic on:


Tags #gaga gift money, #upcoming birthdays, #baby showers, #retirements promotions, #collecting money, #bag of moeny, #flush, #toilet involved, #more effcient, #sectional sofa

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Carol: "I'm collecting money for miscellaneous gag gifts." "We've got upcoming birthdays, baby showers, retirements, promotions, blah, blah, blah." "I'm collecting all of the gag gift money in advance." "Then I'll take the bag of money and flush it down the toilet." "That will be the gag. It's funny because a toilet is involved." "So you can either give me $100 now or I'll be back twenty times at $5 a pop." "You can't resist the siren call of a more efficient process. Give it up, engineer-boy!" "Hello, sectional sofa!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #administrative agencies, #project timeline, #waste one week, #set up meeting, #available in a week

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Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #sarcasm, #nostradogbert, #turmoil, #middle east, #ratbert, #limb, #sand

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Dogbert, who is wearing a turban, says to Ratbert, "Nostradogbert predicts there will be turmoil in the Middle East." Ratbert replies, "Wow! That's quite a prediction! You're really going out on a limb!" Dogbert asks, "Is that sarcasm? I can't tell with you." Ratbert asks, "Will there be any sand involved?"