Search Results for "algorithm"
Share June 30, 2017's comic on:
Asok: After the office redesign, you will be in the cubicle nearest our pointy-haired boss. Man: How did you decide on that? Asok: I used an algorithm. Man: Is the algorithm that you hate me? Asok: And you have never studied martial arts.
Share August 12, 2011's comic on:
Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.
Share October 13, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: Okay, this next decision involves six variables, four imbeciles, and one brilliant engineer. According to the Dogbert complexity algorithm, it is impossible to make a rational decision in this situation. All in favor of giving up? Boss: I found out I'm a brilliant engineer.
Share March 18, 2012's comic on:
Woman: Okay, what's going on here? Dilbert: I'm creative. Studies show that women prefer creative men for short-term relationships. Woman: That plant is random, not creative. Dilbert: Creativity is random. If creativity were anything but random, someone would have figured out the algorithm by now. I notice that your pupils are dilating. That's a sign of attraction. My plan is working. Free will is an illusion. Humans are nothing but moist robots. Just relax and let it happen. Woman: This is weird. I'm actually attracted to you now. Dilbert: Thanks, but I'm going to shop around. Woman: My world no longer makes sense! Dilbert: Walk it off.
Share October 19, 1994's comic on:
"I've been asked to reduce headcount." "To be fair about it I created a scientific algorithm to decide who goes." "I thought you were firing the people with the highest salaries." "Okay, maybe 'algorithm' is an overstatement."
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Share June 25, 2017's comic on:
Boss; Ted, we need a volunteer to test the time machine prototype. Ted: Is it safe? Boss: Of course it is. Would I ask you to risk your life if it were not safe? Ted: Yes. Boss: Oh, I didn't realize you knew that. But don't worry. The engineering consensus is that it will work. Dilbert: You will return to this exact spot in one day. Alice: Does our location algorithm account for planetary movement? Ted: I should have asked more questions.
Share May 04, 2011's comic on:
Carol: Once again, our only profitable line of business is "intentional billing errors." It started as a series of honest mistakes. Now it's the only way we can maintain our bonuses. Boss: Do we have anything better in the pipeline? Carol: R&D is testing some new errors for our pension algorithm.