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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dissenters, #speak truth to power, #ignorant, #bald and overpaid, #respect, #ceo

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Dogbert: Do you respect those who speak truth to power? CEO: I don't know what that means. Dogbert: In this case it means you're ignorant, bald and overpaid. Do you respect me, or should I keep going?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #executives, #interviews, #ceo's interview series, #company priftable, #credit, #overpaid and useless, #dumb employees, #highest bidder, #blackmail, #interview

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Dogbert says, "I don't like people." Dogbert says, "What makes your company so profitable?" CEO says, "I give all of the credit to our fine employees." Dogbert says, "Is that another way of saying you're overpaid and useless?" CEO says, "Um... no. I'm their leader. I set the direction." Dogbert says, "Because the employees are too dumb to set their own direction?" CEO says, "No! They're smart!" Dogbert says, "But not as smart as you?" CEO says, "Who's going to see this?" Dogbert says, "No one, assuming you're the highest bidder." Dogbert's CEO Interview Series

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #babies, #complaining, #human resources, #evil director, #discriminates, #short, #bald, #near sighted, #born this way

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Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #apology, #bald, #business ethics, #company lawyer, #discrimination, #lawyers, #nearsighted, #one billion, #short, #statue

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Lawyer: I've been asked to settle your claim of discrimination against the company. Your complaint is that they discriminate against you for being short, bald, and nearsighted. I might have a conflict of interest, but my final offer is one billion dollars. Wally: Plus a statue and an apology. Company lawyer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #consulting comany, #executive compensation, #ninety percent, #overpaid, #repeat business

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Dogbert: the dogcart consulting company has reviewed the executive compensation plan as you requested. My conclusion is that you're already hideously overpaid, Im recommending ninety percent pay cuts and a whack in th head for each of you. I"ll bet you don't get much repeat business. Dogbert: Oh yeah, as if Id want to spend more time with you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #after merger, #reduce staff, #redundant, #employees, #evaluated, #buying company, #bald guy, #steal office furniture

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Alice, Wally, Dilbert and a man from the buying company sit at a conference table. The man says, "After the merger, we'll reduce staff in areas that are redundant." Wally says, "I hope the employees of this company will be evaluated fairly compared to those in the buying company." The man says, "We already have a bald guy." Dilbert asks, "Does your steal office furniture, too?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #anti rust, #bald, #big field, #butterfly turned opera singer, #car dealer, #data compression, #dream analysts, #extended warranty, #new algorythm, #running against wind, #sealant, #serious money

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Someone reaches for a door labeled "Dogbert's Dream Analysis." Dogbert and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "I was in a big field full of tofu and carburetors." Dogbert says, "It means you're a gullible moron. That's $25 please." A woman tells Dogbert, "Then I was running, running, running against the wind." Dogbert replies, "That means you're ugly." Wally tells Dogbert, "Then the butterfly turned into an opera singer." Dogbert says, "That means you're bald." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Suddenly I saw a new algorythm for data compression." Dogbert replies, "It means you're boring." The Boss tells Dogbert, "Then I told the car dealer I wanted the anti-rust sealant, the extended warranty and the lease option." The Boss asks, "What do you think it means?" Dogbert replies, "It means I'm going to make some serious money today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #harmful to workers, #demonstrate danger, #controlled experimnet, #rebellion, #sarcasm, #complacency, #going bald

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WARNING!! Dogbert sits behind a desk with Wally and says, "Author Norman Solomon has determined that the Dilbert comic strip is harmful to workers." A comic strip sits on the table. Dogbert shows the comic strip to Wally and says, "I will demonstrate the danger with this carefully controlled experiment." Dogbert asks, "Have your palns for rebellion been replaced by sarcasm and complacency?" Wally rubs his head and says, "And I think I'm going bald, too!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 1998's comic on:


Tags #necktie, #getting shorter, #casual clothes, #six months, #necktie gone, #bald

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Dilbert remarks to Wally, "Is it my imagination or is your necktie getting shorter every day?" Wall chuckles. Wally replies, "I'm gradually moving toward casual clothes. In six months this necktie will be gone and no one will notice." Dilbert says, "Everyone noticed when you went bald." Wally asks, "I'm bald?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #overpaid, #do bad work, #Funny, #think about it, #terrible job, #job security

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Dogbert sitting next to Dilbert while he types on his computer. Dogbert says, "As a consultant, I'm overpaid even if I do bad work." Dogbert continues, "Whereas you're underpaid even if you do good work. It's funny if you think about it." Dilbert, while typing, replies, "I might have a terrible job, but at least I don't have any job security."