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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #banking, #deposit, #bank, #waste it, #hedging strategies, #honesty is refreshing

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Bank Teller: Thanks for the deposit, sucker! We plan to waste it on complicated hedging strategies that we don't even understand. Dilbert: Your honesty is refreshing. Bank Teller: Thanks, but it makes cross-selling harder.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #banking, #international bank, #bail out, #treasury, #feral, #money, #countries

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Elbonian: Is this Dogbert's International Bank for Bailing Out Countries That Are Bad at Math? Dogbert: Yes. Elbonian: Our treasury is empty and we're not sure why. The entire country is becoming sort of feral. Dogbert: How much money do you need? Elbonian: No more than $85.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2008's comic on:


Tags #new vp of finance, #secret offshore bank, #forgot account number, #password, #name of country, #not so good

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Wally is the new VP of Finance A troll says, "I moved all of our cash to a secret offshore bank." The troll says, "But I forgot to write down the account number. Or the password. Or the name of the country." The troll says, "And... I'm not entirely sure it was a bank." Wally thinks, "First day, not so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2008's comic on:


Tags #computer, #hacking, #illegal, #support, #technology, #diagnose computer problem, #remotely, #spam server, #snoop files, #pilfer bank act.

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Dogbert's tech support Dogbert: May I remotely take over your computer to diagnose the problem? Now hold while I snoop into your personal filed, pilfer your bank accounts and turn your computer into a spam server. Client: THAT'S ILLEGAL! Dogbert: So are 75% of your personal files, but you don't see me getting all huffy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #incompetent, #dogbert investment bank, #shareholder, #bribe, #merger, #unwise, #commission, #best seller, #read, #jail

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Dogbert says, "You're an incompetent CEO, but the Dogbert Investment Bank can help you pretend to unlock shareholder value." Dogbert says, "I'll arrange an unwise merger so you can cash out while I collect an obscene commission." Dogbert says, "It's like a bribe, but instead of going to jail, a stranger will write a bestselling book with your name on it." CEO says, "Can I read it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #computer, #headset, #marketing research, #social security number, #bank pin, #maiden name, #poverty, #identity theft

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Dogbert says, "Hello, this is the Dogbert Market Research Company. May I ask you some totally harmless questions?" Dogbert says, "What is your social security number, bank pin number and mother's maiden name?" Dilbert says, "What exactly are you researching?" Dogbert says, "Poverty rates. I'm shooting for 100%."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2009's comic on:


Tags #bank, #buyout, #financial crisis, #economy, #ridicule

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Now that you've run your bank into the ground, I plan to buy it for a dollar." Dogbert says, "In phase two I'll use common business words to insult you for a job poorly done." Dogbert says, "What do you think of that, you big fiduciary bag?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2014's comic on:


Tags #electronic mail, #internet & world wide web, #scams, #enter bank acct, #employee, #boss

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WHY phishing scams keep working enter your bank account number. Dilbert: Scam. WAIT FOR IT enter your bank account number Alice: Scam. There it is Boss: Okey-dokey.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert stands at a teller window at the Bank of Ethel. The teller says, "I spent all of your money. Terribly sorry." Dilbert says, "You what?!" Dilbert says angrily, "This is outrageous! How can you spend all of MY money?!!" The woman responds, "Oh, Mr. Moneybags, like it was SO MUCH." Dilbert puts his hands on his hips and says, "Oooh! I am ACTIVELY considering taking my business elsewhere!" The teller asks, "Are you making a deposit or just wasting my time?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert sits on the bank of a stream and casts a fishing pole into the water. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's just man against fish out here, my friend." Dilbert continues, "Although it's a bit of a mismatch, with my superior brain, equipment and strength." Dogbert stands on the bank and says, "Boy, all that and he can water-ski, too."