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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2011's comic on:

Tags #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #actions & defenses

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Boss: Dogbert is chairing the international data security standards group. Dogbert: The goal of our organizations is to make your security procedures so inconvenient that you give up hope and die from bed sores. We take pride in being independent from the companies that fund us.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2011's comic on:

Tags #suspicion, #interviews

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Boss: I researched your personal brand online. Man: My what? Boss: I looked at your blog, your Tweets, an your Facebook page. I Googled your name and followed every link. I checked your credit, criminal record, school transcripts, and references. But that's just the external stuff. Man: Exactly. It's my attitude that counts! Boss: No. I mean I also have the results of your urine test. Oh, and apparently some of your sample landed in a DNA test kit. And that tanning bed you used last week was actually an MRI. How's your attitude now? Man: Harder to fake.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anger, #annoyance

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Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Advice, #office workers, #presentation

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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm really nervous about this presentation for the Big Boss. Got any tips for me?" Dogbert replies, "Remember to bring a bunch of coins to jangle self-consciously in your pockets." Dogbert continues, ". . . Avoid eye contact and don't pause to explain your acronyms." Dilbert says, "I wish I could tell when you're kidding."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 1989's comic on:

Tags #embarrassment, #joke, #tuxedo

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Dilbert is getting dressed and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dilbert holds up a cummerbund and says, "I thought I had this tuxedo thing figured out, but what the heck is this?" Dogbert replies, "Oh, that's the kumberbuzle. You wear it on your head like a sweatband." Dogbert continues, "Then you clip your pens and pencils to the kumberbuzle." Dilbert says, "Ah, that explains why the shirt has no pocket."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 1989's comic on:

Tags #laughing, #practice, #sneeze

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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror and says, "Hoo-hoo-hee-ha! . . . No, that's not it." Dilbert sits on the bed and asks Dilbert, "Do you suppose other people practice laughing when they're alone?" Dogbert replies, "Of course." Dogbert says, "Time for your sneezing drill." Dilbert says, "Other people make it look so natural."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1989's comic on:

Tags #lying, #sarcasm, #polite, #momentum

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Dilbert asks Dogbert who is sitting on the bed, "Do you like my new clip-on necktie?" Dogbert replies, "It's very nice. Good colors, nice pattern. Why, with a tie like that, DON'T be surprised if you get an offer to pose for GQ MAGAZINE!" Dilbert says, "I think you crossed that fine line between polite lying and outright sarcasm." Dogbert replies, "The momentum carried me."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1989's comic on:

Tags #dog, #dreaming, #flying

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In his dream, Dilbert floats in mid air. Dilbert thinks, "Ooh boy! Looks like another one of those flying dreams I keep having." Dilbert flies through the air thinking, "This is great! I just hope I don't crash and wake up this time." Dilbert is suspended over his bed on a pulley system. Dogbert holds the rope and says, "Houston, we are experiencing difficulty."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1989's comic on:

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Dogbert stands in the door of Dilbert's bedroom. Dilbert sits up in bed as Dogbert says, "I'm having nightmares, move over." Dilbert lets Dogbert climb into bed and says, "Just don't hog all the covers." Dilbert stands next to the bed and says, "At least give me my pajama top . . ." All of the covers, sheets and pillows are wrapped around Dogbert who says, "Shhh . . ."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1989's comic on:

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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror adjusting his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dogbert says, "The best way to impress women at the party is to just act naturally." Dilbert walks though a party thinking, "Act naturally, act naturally." Back at home, Dilbert says, "Logically, it is impossible to 'act' naturally." Dogbert says, "Most great advice doesn't hold under scrutiny."