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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #belittle subordinates, #cruelty, #evil intensions, #fill in, #managers & supervisors, #on vacation, #fill in for boss

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The Boss says, "Alice, I need you to fill in for me while I'm on vacation." Alice says, "I can't wait to belittle my subordinates for not doing the things I only imagined telling them to do." The Boss says, "Why would you do that?" Alice says, "Why would you ask that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #discussion, #hijack conversations of subordinates, #imperious interuptus, #load and testing

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Dilbert: ... then we can do the load testing and... Boss: I'm invoking the right of imperious interruptus. In layman's terms, it is the right of all bosses to hijack the conversations of subordinates. I will now turn my back to you and speak with Alice as if you don't exist. Do not leave. Do not chime in, just awkwardly stand there. CEO: Imperious interruptus! Behold my power to make two underlings stand awkwardly while I hijack this conversation! Have you heard my speech about how we're not level conscious at this company?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2000's comic on:


Tags #not care, #subordinates, #all changed, #not caring funtion

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The Boss says to Asok the Intern, "I used to not care about my subordinates." The Boss says to Asok, "But that's all changed." The Boss says to Asok as Alice, The Boss' secretary, looks on, "Now I delegate the not-caring function to what's-her-face over here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2007's comic on:


Tags #impressive resume, #promoted, #management, #money and pretige, #doing less work, #opportunity, #abuse subordinates, #fluent managerese, #love interviewing

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CEO: "Alice, your resume is impressive." "Tell me why you want to be promoted to management." Alice: "Well. Obviously there's the money and prestige." "I'm also attracted by the prospect of doing much less work." "The opportunity to abuse subordinates is a big plus." "And I speak fluent Managerese. Watch this..." "Fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh" Dilbert: "Did you really want that job?" Alice: "No, but I love interviewing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #manage, #spreadsheets, #emails, #luck, #unimportant subordinates, #bad mood, #insulting, #low morale

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The boss: "Cancel all of my meetings. I'm going to manage by making spreadsheets and sending e-mails." "With any luck, I'll never again need to speak with unimportant subordinates such as yourself." "C23 is in a bad mood today." "@#$%^!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #live under bridge, #subordinates, #troll dna, #mother issues, #therapy, #therapist, #shrink, #patient, #couch, #pad and pen

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None of my subordinates are supportive. I don't know why. Perhaps they're sensing that you have troll DNA. Um... What? Did your mom ever live under a bridge?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #feedback, #managers, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #appreciate, #feel valued, #belittle, #indirect, #slow and isorganized

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Boss: Would you like some feedback on your performance? Dilbert: No. Boss: You're supposed to appreciate feedback because it makes you feel valued. Dilbert: How does listening to you belittle me about things you don't understand make me feel valued? Boss: Well, I don't know. It must be an indirect thing. Maybe we should just try it and see how it feels. Dilbert: Whatever. Boss: I don't actually watch you work, so I'm mostly guessing about the things you do wrong. I accuse you of being slow and disorganized! Is it working yet? Dilbert: Yes. If that makes you go away.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 1993's comic on:


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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our newest fad policy is to have subordinates appraise their boss's job performance." Dilbert says, "I give you a 'D minus.'" The Boss asks, "Did I mention retribution?" Dilbert says, "Careful, sir, you're hanging by a thread."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 1996's comic on:


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Asok says to Dogbert, "I have forgotten my password. I humbly beg for assistance." Dogbert replies angrily, "I have no time for boring administrative tasks, you fool! I'm busy upgrading the network!" Asok says, "You could have give me a new password in the time it took to belittle me." Dogbert replies, "Yes, but which option would give me job satisfaction?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 1997's comic on:


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Catbert reads from a paper to the Boss. "There are several mandatory classes for managers." Catbert reads, "Avoiding contact with subordinates, Misplacing important documents, The joy of listening to your own voice." Catbert says, "Have you taken the prerequisite class in time management?" The Boss says, "Twice."