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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2002's comic on:


Tags #winning bid contract, #read the minds, #competetors, #bid lower, #blocked by dense mass

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Dilbert, I want you to put together the winning bid for this contract." Dilbert responds, "No problem, I'll just read the minds of our competitors and bid lower." Dilbert continues, "I'm picking up something now... But it's partly blocked by a dense mass."

Winning The Bid

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Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #bidding, #executives, #lying, #outsourcing, #projects, #winning bid, #good news, #secretly subcontract, #scream, #presentation

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Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #executives, #busy converting, #lower morle, #stirring up trouble, #departments, #undercommunicating, #business

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Carol: He's busy converting everything you did this year into a complete waste of time. After that, he's scheduled to lower our morale. Then he'll be stirring up trouble in other departments. Dilbert: How's tomorrow look? Carol: He'll be under-communicating all day.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #gravity, #formula, #drink, #fly, #famous, #people, #shower, #praise, #admiration, #attention, #pathetic, #bid, #Dogbert

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Dilbert sits at a table and yells as a test tube flies out of his hands, "It works!! My anti-gravity formula works!!!" Dilbert continues, "If I drink it, I'll be able to fly! I'll be famous. People will shower me with praise and admiration!!" Dilbert sits on the wall over the television and says to Dogbert, "Notice anything?" Dogbert replies, "A pathetic bid for attention?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 1994's comic on:


Tags #press release, #dsn, #bid 50 million, #hollywood studio, #providing static, #channels, #Dogbert, #static netowrk

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"Here's the press release about our bid to buy 'DSN' for fifty billion dollars." "DSN is the hollywood studio that provides static to all the channels that woudl otherwise be blank." "The 'Dogbert Static Network'?!!" "Talk to me, babe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 1994's comic on:


Tags #telemarketing, #bid to run, #telemarketers pay themselves, #rip[ off people, #old people, #no way to lose

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. He hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's my bid to run your telemarketing company. Basically, it's no cost to you." Dogbert continues, "My telemarketers pay themselves. If they get a feeble-minded person on the phone they charge them triple and pocket the difference." The Boss says, "There's no way I can lose." Dogbert says, "Don't answer your home phone for a few weeks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 1995's comic on:


Tags #paper burning stove, #lower heating bills, #useless documents, #love your work, #warm feeling

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Dilbert installs a stove while Dogbert watches. Dilbert says, "I'm installing a paper-burning stove to lower our heating bills." Dilbert says, "I'll fuel it with all the useless documents I get at work." At the office, the Boss sees Dilbert carrying a stack of papers and asks, "I've been noticing how much stuff you take home. You must love your work." Dilbert replies, "It gives me a warm feeling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #wall art, #low bid, #assistant scourcing, #earth, #low cost art

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Dilbert watches Dogbert and Bob the Dinosaur hanging paintings on the office wall. He asks Dogbert, "How did you get the contract to supply our company with wall art?" Dogbert answers, "Low bid." Dogbert says, "As we speak, my assistant is scouring the earth in search of low-cost art." Ratbert stands outside the "School-O-Art" with a bag of money. As an art student wearing a beret and painter's smock is thrown out of the school with his painting, Ratbert says, "I'll take it!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 1995's comic on:


Tags #undefined acronyms, #lower opinion, #communication skills, #complex pictures

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Dilbert stands beside an overhead projector. He says, "This next transparency is an incomprehensible jumble of complexity and undefined acronyms." Dilbert continues, "You might wonder why I'm going to show it to you since the only possible result is to lower your opinion of my communication skills." Dilbert points at the diagrams and says, "Frankly, it's because I like making complex pictures more than I like you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #corporate, #takeover, #complete, #hostile, #bid, #meowco, #cat, #Food, #company, #efficient, #hassling, #ashamed, #hairball

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Dogbert sits at a table holding a document. He tells Dilbert, "Plans for the corporate takeover are complete." Dilbert asks, "What corporate takeover?" Dogbert replies, "It's a hostile bid for control of the Meowco Cat Food Company." Dogbert explains, "When I become CEO, I'll order them to add a hairball to every can of cat food." Dogbert chuckles. Dilbert says, "That is cruel and senseless. I'm thoroughly ashamed of you." Dilbert leaves the room. Dogbert sits on the hassock and thinks, "Gee . . . It seems so much more efficient than hassling one cat at a time."