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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 1999's comic on:


Tags #morale is low, #managers bonuses, #big changes, #surevy, #tenth year, #employee satisfaction

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The boss sits in a meeting with Alice and Dilbert. The boss says, "For the tenth year in a row, the employee satisfaction survey says morale is low. The boss says, "Managers' bonuses are linked to these results. You can be sure we'll make big changes...." The boss says, "...to the survey."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1999's comic on:


Tags #final report, #big changes, #too cowardly, #change names, #Advice, #behind back

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Caption: "Dogbert the consultant" Dogbert, Wally, The Boss and Alice are at a meeting. Dogbert presents a report. Dogbert says, "This is my final report." Dogbert says to The Boss, "I'm recommending big, big changes..." The Boss reads the report. Dogbert says, "Because I know you're too cowardly to implement them." Wally says, "So...It will be our fault if nothing improves." Dogbert says, "Exactly." The Boss is excitedly reading. The Boss says, "AAAGH!! We can't do all of this!" The Boss says, "Couldn't we just change the names of all our departments?" Dogbert says, "Those imbeciles! How dare they ignore my advice!" Wally says, "You're supposed to say that to us behind our backs later." Dogbert says, "I'm in a hurry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1990's comic on:


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Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Did you hear that the tiny east European country of Elbonia has abandoned communism?" Dogbert replies, "Whoa! Big changes ahead." The caption says, "Elbonia: Monday." A pig and a man sit in the mud on a mud farm. The caption says, "Elbonia: Tuesday." The pig wears a sign that says, "My pig," the man wears a sign that says, "My feet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #fear, #change is good, #don't fear change, #sickness and death, #alarming symptoms

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Boss: Do not fear change because change is good. Dilbert: Actually, studies show that any big changes in a person's life vastly increase the odds of sickness and death. Wally: Are you trying to kill us? Dilbert: I can't feel my arm!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 1995's comic on:


Tags #headquarters, #chucks looking unhappy, #big guy, #bad decisions, #some bodies, #changes will allow, #core business

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The caption says, "Headquarters." Three executives sit at a conference table. One says to the man next to him, "Hey, Chuck's looking unhappy today. What's the problem, big guy?" Chuck says, "All of my bad decisions are catching up to me. Could we do another reorg to cover my tracks?" The third executive says, "Yeah, I've got some bodies to bury, too." Back at the office, the Boss reads a document aloud to Dilbert and Wally, ". . . These changes will allow us to focus on our core business." Wally walks away saying, "Whoa! Let me get my reorg boots."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #work ethic, #work-life balance, #implies life is impirtant, #work-life intergration, #big thanks, #never had a life

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Catbert says, "We're no longer using the term 'work-life balance' because it implies that your life is important." Catbert says, "Now we call it 'work-life integration' so it's easier to make you work when you would prefer being with loved ones." Catbert says, "And I'd like to give a big thanks to those of you who never had a life." Dilbert says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #critics, #employees, #laziness, #big picture guy, #lesser minds, #managing, #implementing, #not getting it

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Wally: I've decided to become more of a big picture guy. Lesser minds can do the managing and implementing while I criticize them for not :getting it". Dilbert: So...you want to get paid to be a jerk? Wally: said the implementer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #meetings, #telephones, #returned calls, #tragus, #phone, #research on excuses, #useless, #big difference

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Coworker says, "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Wally says, "I tried, but when I put the phone to my ear, it pressed my tragus over my ear hole and I couldn't hear a thing." Coworker says, "Do you do research on your excuses before meetings?" Wally says, "I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #thinking, #ignorant, #backstabbing, #die, #make changes

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Customer meeting Boss: If I may correct what Dilbert just said, I'm sure it would be easy to make those changes. Dilbert: You ignorant, backstabbing son of a beach ball. Boss: Are you saying something inside your head? Dilbert: No. Die.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #envy, #big promotion, #congratulations, #not jealous, #good work, #art of full body lying

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Ted: Hey, Alice! Did you hear about my big promotion? Alice: Congratulations, Ted. I'm not jealous at all. Keep up the good work. Sorry about my face. I haven't mastered the art of full-body lying.