Search Results for "bill gates"
Share January 14, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I didn't read all of the shrink-wrap license agreement on my new software until after I opened it." Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he pulls nervously at his tie. Dilbert continues, "Apparently I agreed to spend the rest of my life as a towel boy in Bill Gates' new mansion." Dogbert replies, "Call your lawyer." Dilbert says, "Too late. He opened the software yesterday. Now he's Bill Gates' laundry boy." Dogbert says, "It must be dangerous for lawyers to iron pants. They'd always have one hand in a pocket."
Share January 16, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert stands in a room filled with electronic equipment. A voice coming from a monitor says, "You have been chosen as Bill Gates' towel boy. But first you must answer this quiz." The voice continues, "You're in a room with three monkeys. One has a banana, one has a stick, one has nothing. Which primate is the smartest?" Dilbert says, "Um . . ." Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert says, "I guess the successful towel boys know that humans are primates too." DIlbert says angrily, "Stupid trick question."
Share March 29, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert's mom and Dilbert sit on the couch in Dilbert's living room. Dilbert's mom says, "...I'm going to infrared from the keyboard to my "linux" box." She has a keyboard on her lap. Dilbert says, "Nice mom" Dilbert's mom makes a fist and says, "I just sent a flaming e-mail to Bill gates, saying "Linux rules!" Dilbert says, "you what?" Bill gates sits in captians chair in a military looking facility. Bill says, "Launch the competitionkeeper missiles."
Share March 30, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert sits on the couch next to Dilmom. Dilbert says, on the phone, "Dogbert, Mom told Bill Gates she uses the "Linux" operating system!" Dogbert stand at a large control panel which included a radar screen. Dogbert says, "I'm tracking four incoming missles. I'll launch our anti-miscrosoft weapons to intercept." Three reporters fly through the air towards a missle that has "MS" on its side. One of thre reporters says, "I wondered why a press conference was being held in a huge catapult."
Share January 15, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the armrest of the couch. Dogbert says, ". . . So you didn't read the software license and you inadvertently agreed to be Bill Gates' towel boy in his huge new house. When do we move?" They hear a rumbling noise and the house shakes. A machine crashes through the wall and says, "Prepare for assimilation." Dilbert says, "The house has come for me."
Share December 02, 1998's comic on:
Caption: "Microsoft Headquarters" A preppy man stands in front of a large desk. The person behind the desk (Bill Gates) can't be seen. Preppy man says, "We misspelled a word in our spellchecking software." Gates says, "You know what to do." Preppy man says, "Um.. use our market power to make the new word an industry standard?" Bill Gates says, "And....?" Preppy man says, "Kill myself as an example to others?" Gates says, "In our booth at "Comdex"."
Share July 14, 1996's comic on:
Alice sits at her desk. The Boss enters and says, "According to this phone bill, you've been making personal calls." The Boss continues, "That's like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice clenches her teeth, holds her fist and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." Alice looks at the telephone bill and says, "I only spent eighty cents to tell my family I was working late." Alice says, "Here's a dollar. The extra twenty cents is for the personal thought that I'm about to have on company time." Alice closes her eyes and imagines the Boss tied up with rope. She pictures handing him a stick of dynamite. Alice says, "And here's my bill for $40,000 in unpaid overtime that the company stole from me." The Boss replies, "That's not stealing; that's being competitive." Alice says, "I think I'll be competitive with a few bushels of office supplies later today."
Share January 18, 1998's comic on:
Dogbert stands on the kitchen table with a piece of paper in one hand and a pencil in the other. Dilbert sits, dressed in a robe eating breakfast. Dogbert says, "Here's my bill." Dogbert explains, "It's for all the time we've spent together when I didn't enjoy it." Dilbert reads the piece of paper. Dogbert says, "If it wasn't fun, it must have been work." Dilbert explains, "Dogbert, let me explain what friendship is all about." Dilbert says, "Friendship is about giving freely of oneself. It's about trust and sharing." Dilbert hands the bill back to Dogbert. Dillbert says, "Now, I expect you'll want this back." Dogbert responds, "Yes." Dogbert examines the bill. Dogbert says, "I need to round it up to the next hour." Dogbert hands the bill to Dilbert. Dogbert says, "No checks. You have the face of a deadbeat." Dilbert's shoulders slump. Dilbert sighs, "I don't think that I'm reaching you."
Share January 06, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "My plan is to give away our product for free." The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We'll only bill customers who ask us to deinstall it." Wally and Dilbert continue looking on impassively as The Boss continues, "For once, those reports of consumer decapitations will work in our favor."