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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1994's comic on:


Tags #converstaion, #Dilbert, #faking through, #velcro works, #block oxygen, #brain

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Ted: "He's explaining something that I already understand. I've got to stop him." Dilbert: "Blah blah blah." Ted: "I'll try vigorous nodding and agreeing, plus closed body language." Dilbert: "Blah blah blah." "Right right right." Dilbert: "And have I ever told you how 'velcro' works?" TED: "Maybe if I block the oxygen to my brain..."

Oxygen Not In The Budget

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Oxygen Not In The Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #space flight, #astronaut, #oxygen, #breathing, #leadership, #obliviousness

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Boss: I'm happy to announce that we launched our company's spaceship to Mars. We only had enough in the budget to give them oxygen for three-quarters of the trip. So I told them to breathe smarter, not harder. It's called leadership.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #copyright & trademark, #inventions, #competitor suing, #albanian court, #design trademark, #block manufacturing, #shaped like rectangle, #design shapes, #irregular mole

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Man: Our competitor is suing us in an Elbonian court for some sort of design trademark violation. They're trying to block us from manufacturing anything shaped like a rectangle. Boss: What design shapes are available? Man: Only one, assuming "irregular mole" is a shape.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #date, #new, #system, #evaluating, #check, #boxes, #Card, #night, #dinged, #point, #nervous, #twitch, #head, #block, #bucket

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I'm using a new system for evaluating my dates. I just check off boxes on this card throughout the night." The woman continues, "There . . . I just dinged you a point for that nervous twitch." The woman asks, "Would you say your head is more like a block or a bucket?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #budget, #impact, #projects, #bullet, #points, #oxygen, #competition, #jello, #detailed, #senior, #executives

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A woman stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I summarized the budget impacts on six hundred projects with those three bullet points." The Boss reads, "- Oxygen is good. - Competition is bad. - I like Jello." The woman asks, "Do you think it's too detailed for the senior executives?" The Boss replies, "Take out the 'competition' one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #noriko, #generation, #Kids, #power, #names, #ship, #oxygen, #mars, #plan

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the grass. Noriko stands between them saying, "You adults are ruining the planet for my generation." Noriko continues, "We kids have no power now, but I'm taking names. When we take power we'll ship you all to a penal colony on Mars." Dilbert replies, "There's no oxygen on Mars." Noriko says, "Oh, NOW you learn to plan ahead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 1994's comic on:


Tags #3 hour meeting, #doesn't apply, #highly paid contractor, #oxygen to brains, #multimedia developer

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Ted: It looks like you're off to a three-hour staff meeting that doesn't apply to me. Ted: Im glad Im a highly paid contractor, I'll be increasing my skills while you fight to get oxygen to your brains. THREE HOURS LATER TED: I became a multimedia developer, How was your day?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #network adminsitrator, #routers, #block employees, #websites, #program routers, #useless activities, #business plan

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Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #useful skills, #raising issues, #salespeople, #new prodcut, #have a meeting, #oxygen being wasted

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Ted stands behind Dilbert. Dilbert sits at his computer. Ted says, "I have no useful skills or knowledge. I compensate by 'raising issues'." Ted announces, "Our salespeople haven't been trained for the new product!!" Ted says, "Someone should have a meeting about that." Dilbert says, "Wow, I can actually hear oxygen being wasted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1998's comic on:


Tags #cubicle, #land on moon, #temperature, #oxygen levels, #space program, #hoax, #nasa hiding, #love engineers

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The cubicle lands on the moon. Dilbert says, "We're the first cubicle to land on the moon." Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the surface of the moon. Dilbert says, "The temperature and oxygen levels are fine. Apparently the space program is a hoax." Dogbert says, "NASA must be hiding something here." Two women appear. The women hold wine glasses and wear dresses. The brunette says, "Hi. We're the women who love engineers." The blond has a heart above her head. Dilbert's hair and tie stick straight up. Dilbert's eyebrows raise. Dobert's ear's fly up.