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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #mishear, #avoid work, #lazy, #no shame, #pour coffee, #budget estimate

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Dilbert says, "Rumor has it that you're pretending to hear things wrong to avoid work." Wally says, "It works great. The secret is to have no shame whatsoever." Coworker says, "Wally, do you have the revised budget estimate?" Wally says, "No, because you asked for a remized bugmet yestitet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2013's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #money, #budget estimate, #project, #one billion dollars, #unreasonable

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Boss: I need a budget estimate for your project. Dilbert: One billion dollars. Boss: That doesn't sound reasonable. Dilbert: I'll shout numbers and you can stop me when one sounds reasonable. Boss: Please stop being you. Dilbert: Eleven!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Asok the Intern and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss comes in and says, "I need your budget estimate today." Asok replies, "We won't have useful numbers until next week." Dilbert turns and says, "It doesn't work that way, Asok." Asok says, "No?" Asok and Dilbert approach the Boss who stares blankly into space. Dilbert explains, "As soon as he asked the question, he went into 'boss hibernation.'" Dilbert waves his hand in front of his face and says, "He can't see or hear anything until we say a number. Watch." Dilbert says, "Three million dollars." The Boss comes to and says, "Uhn!" The Boss walks away and says, "Three million. Good work." Dilbert says, "The first time I saw it, I panicked and ended up with a budget of $911."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #estimating, #mocking, #indifference, #ignorance, #budgets

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Ellen says, "I need a budget estimate for my project, but I don't have a scope or a design for it yet." Dilbert says, "Okay, my estimate is $3,583,729." Ellen says, "You don't know anything about my project." Dilbert says, "That makes two of us."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

Incompetent Employee Budget Only

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Incompetent Employee Budget Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #budget, #catch-22, #incompetence, #funds, #lose funds, #75% competent, #cubicle

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Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.

Dilbert Is Under Budget

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Dilbert Is Under Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #project, #budget, #money, #stealing, #embezzlement, #consequences

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Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #budget for a poor job, #build software, #business ethics, #cheap or smart, #executives, #poor job, #return on investment, #selling upogardes

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Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #laziness, #project budget, #new technology, #slow learner, #expensive

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Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2011's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #executives, #work ethic, #enginner, #no budget, #emailed, #ceo, #social network, #global supply chain

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Dilbert: So... you emailed our CEO and asked for funds to build a social network for our global supply chain. Dilbert: No one wants that, But it sounds good, so he moved all of our project funding to your dumb idea. and...you will produce nothing, Wally: said the engineer with no budget.