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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #created cold fusion, #jar with light bulb, #more news, #camera guy

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Press Conference Dogbert says, "As you can clearly see, I have created cold fusion." Man says, "That's not cold fusion. It's just a jar with a lightbulb." Dogbert says, "Here's some more news: No one cares what the camera guy thinks." Woman says, "It's free energy!"

Selfie Camera

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Selfie Camera - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #inventions, #priorities, #selfie, #social media, #selfie camera, #car steering wheels, #ion powered car, #share, #slefies, #facebook, #technology

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Wally: I heard you invented a selfie camera for car steering wheels. Dilbert: Not exactly. I invented an ion-powered flying car, but all anyone cares about is the selfie camera in the steering wheel. Wally: Can you share the selfies on Facebook? Dilbert: Gaaa!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #critics, #employees, #laziness, #big picture guy, #lesser minds, #managing, #implementing, #not getting it, #business

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Wally: I've decided to become more of a big picture guy. Lesser minds can do the managing and implementing while I criticize them for not :getting it". Dilbert: So...you want to get paid to be a jerk? Wally: said the implementer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #computers & peripherals, #office equipment, #servers down, #holdup, #iterated by idiot, #guard door, #don't see guy

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Boss: The servers are down. Dilbert: I know. Boss: You should do something about it. Dilbert: I'm trying. Boss: What's the holdup? Dilbert: I keep getting interrupted by an unhelpful idiot. Boss: Maybe I can help. I'll guard your doorway and keep that guy away from you. This is boring. And I don't see that guy. Have I managed enough for now? Dilbert: You nailed it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #angry rich guy, #buy small companies, #mergers & acquisitions, #obscenely profitable, #prosperity, #suck good will, #universally despised

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CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #service business, #unmotivated sales guy, #slides are blank, #compelling reason, #no commission work, #budget issues

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Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #conversation, #ask ed, #dumb guy, #liar, #bad breath, #braggaty, #large pores, #combover, #describe me, #behind my back, #insecure guy, #steers conversation

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Alice: You should ask Ed about this. Carol: Is Ed the dumb guy who talks too much or the liar with the bad breath? Alice: He's the braggart with large pores and a combover. Dilbert: Wow. How do you describe me behind my back? Carol: You're the insecure guy who steers the conversation to himself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #desparation, #fabric of spce, #fear, #helpless, #meeting forever, #time division, #marketing guy

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Wally: what shall we tell the guy from marketing this time? Dilbert: hee hee Let's see if we can make him feel a sense of helpless desperation and fear. The time -division multiplexer opened a hole in the fabric of space. Wally: we're trapped in this meeting forever.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #diveristy, #sensitivity training, #seek better understanding, #dumpy white guy section

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"I can't believe we have to go to 'diversity sensitivity' training." "Wally, I don't see how it could be bad to seek a better understanding of others." "Uh-oh." "Take a seat in the 'dumpy white guy section'. I'm ready to start."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #best assets, #competitions worst, #employees on job, #hidden camera, #imply, #they work for competition, #ad agency, #dogbert's ad agency

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Dogbert's Ad Agency Dogbert: Your commercial should compare your best assets to the competition's worst. we'll use a hidden camera to film your employees on the job. The Boss: I missed something here... Dogbert: we'll imply that they all work for the competition . this isn't a documentary.