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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2010's comic on:


Tags #ombudsman, #management, #dispute, #consultation, #question, #soul, #value, #creepy, #no pupils, #blank eyes, #carefree attitude, #envy, #devil

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The New Ombudsman Asok says, "How can you be impartial in my dispute with management when they are the ones paying you?" Helen Fry says, "Perhaps you have something of value that would allow me to see your side." Wally says, "He's creepy without his soul, but I envy his carefree attitude."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #honesty, #moving, #new offcie, #sounds weird, #real one, #save the attitude

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Wally says, "I can't help on your project this week because we're moving to a new office." Dilbert says, "It sounds weird because it's true." Wally says, "I like to throw in a real one every now and then." Wally says, "You might want to save that attitude for the next round."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #suspicion, #job interview, #brand online, #blog, #tweets, #facebook, #credit, #criminal record, #transcripts, #refrences, #external stuff, #attitude, #yrine test, #dna test, #tanning bed, #mri

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Job interview Boss: I researched your personal brand online. Man: My what? Boss: I looked at your blog, your Tweets, an your Facebook page. I Googled your name and followed every link. I checked your credit, criminal record, school transcripts, and references. But that's just the external stuff. Man: Exactly. It's my attitude that counts! Boss: No. I mean I also have the results of your urine test. Oh, and apparently some of your sample landed in a DNA test kit. And that tanning bed you used last week was actually an MRI. How's your attitude now? Man: Harder to fake.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #low priority tasks, #transform into emergency, #escalated, #all worked up, #complain about attitude

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Alice: Stop whatever you're doing and go research the answer to this question. Brad: I don't have time to work on low-priority tasks. Alice: Give me ten minutes to transform it into an emergency. Brad is being unhelpful. I need you to talk to his boss. Boss: Sure. Brad refuses to help Alice. Brad's Boss: Help her do what? Boss: I don't know, but obviously it's very important because it got escalated. Brad's Boss: It must be an emergency because everyone is all worked up about it. Alice: Now hum a happy tune or I'll complain about your attitude.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2004's comic on:


Tags #bad attitude, #new engineer, #paid more, #justify, #smile

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"Why does the new engineer get paid more than I do? How do you justify that?" "Unlike you, he doesn't have a bad attitude." "I have a good attitude. Look at this smile. Look!" "My eyes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #good leader, #positive attitude, #sultan, #cublicle, #positive, #wishing harm

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Boss: A good leader has a positive attitude and spreads it by example. Today I lived like a sultan while you slaved away in your cubicle prison. I had a great day. Now it's your turn. Remember to be positive. Dilbert: I'm positive I want you to die.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #coaching, #angry, #boos, #employee, #attitude

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Boss: I stopped by to do some coaching. Dilbert: How's that work when the employee is more capable than the coach in every conceivable way? Boss: Let's start with your attitude. Dilbert: Said the angry guy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #late, #chronically late, #pre meeting, #trick, #chronic lateness, #power, #selfish, #bad attitude

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Dilbert: Let's meet before the project meeting to go over a few things. Coworker: Nice try. We chronically late people know when we're being played. Your pre-meeting is a trick to get me to show up on time for the real meeting. But that won't work because poor planning isn't the cause of my chronic lateness. I make people wait for me because I enjoy the power and I don't care about anyone's feelings. Dilbert: Fine. I'll see you at the project meeting at ten. Coworker: Nice try. I know the meeting is at 10:30. Dilbert: How do you keep a job? Coworker: That attitude is exactly why I don't like people.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #hr person, #evil director, #bad attitude, #project, #corpse of misery, #donated brain, #gum museum, #mental imbalance, #clarity, #irrational, #employee moral festival, #won meeting

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: Your boss says you have a bad attitude. Dilbert: That's because my project is a flailing corpse of misery, and my boss donated his brain to a gum museum. If I had a good attitude in this situation, it would be a sign of a mental imbalance. My bad attitude is proof that I am thinking clearly. Are you going to compliment me on my clarity or demand I be irrational? CatBert: I'm putting you in charge of the employee morale festival. Dilbert: I have a sudden urge to grab you by the tail and beat myself to death. Catbert: That's how I know I won the meeting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #develop good attitude, #job, #invigorated, #busy work, #relabel, #toner cartridges

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Asok: "I'm trying to develop a good attitude about my job." "Every morning I tell myself I am invigorated by busywork." The Boss: "Asok, I need you to relabel the toner cartridges." Asok: "Woo-hoo!"