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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #boss made pass, #cat ate ring, #family in coma, #irs audit, #seek relief, #woes, #anti woe cologne

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Alice: I'm going to seek relief from my many woes by sharing them with you. My entire family is in a coma....The cat ate my wedding ring,,,,The IRS is auditing us....my boss made a pass at me. It isn't working, you aren't absorbing my woes. Dilbert: Im wearing into woe cologne.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #cat, #not optimist, #phrased better, #rakberts head, #stomp on it, #yank off, #bob the dinosaur, #rat, #dog

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"Bob, I'll yank the cat off of Ratbert's head and you stomp on it!" "Yank" "Stomp" "I could have phrased that better." "I'm not an optimist anymore."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #ctrl-alt -delete, #keyboard, #cat, #dogbert called

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"Get off of my keyboard, Cat, or else!" "Watch me act like I don't even hear you." "Dogbert!" "CTRL - ALT - DEL"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 1994's comic on:


Tags #throwing out cat, #no value, #widen demograohic, #make you immortal, #bargaining, #wants to stay

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"You have to go, Cat. You have no value to us." "Actually, my mere existence will widen your demographic appeal and makeyou immortal." "Oh...a Cat. That's original." "Give it a rest, 'Mickey'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #had a cat once, #two hours, #beef of cat, #selfish

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Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at the lunch table. Wally says, "I had a cat once . . ." Wally continues, "I petted that thing for two hours but I didn't feel any better." Dilbert says, "Petting is for the benefit of the cat, not your hand." Wally says, "They're so selfish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #software, #cat scan machine, #break room, #insert head, #trickster dogbert, #prnak, #cowoorker, #labor market

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Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert on phone with Tech Support guy. Dogbert sitting at computer terminal with hand on mouse. Dogbert says, "Our software is perfect. The problem must be with you." Tech Support guy on phone with Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "Go to the cat scan machine in the break room and insert your head. I'll monitor you from here." Wally watches as Tech Support guy inserts his head into microwave. Tech Support guy says, "Do you see the problem?" Wally says, "I blame the tight labor market."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 1999's comic on:


Tags #disguised alice, #hat, #giant hat, #parking space, #authrized, #hire, #cat bert

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The boss interviews a disguised Alice. The boss says, "I'm prerpared to offer you $120,000 per year plus a parking space for your gigantic hat." Alice pulls ofer her hat and glasses and says, "Ha ha! It is I, Alice! I accept your offer for a higher-paying job!" Catbert takes of the boss mask and says, "ha ha! It is I, Catbert! I'm not authorized to hire anyone!" Alice says, "#!*ing cat!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2001's comic on:


Tags #ad agency, #cat, #sarcasm, #like sarcasm, #laughter, #over done

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THE AD AGENCY: Pete Peters, holding up a picture of a cat, says, "This cat will say something." Pete Peters, holding up a picture of another cat, says, "Then this other cat will say, 'Yeah, right.' It's like sarcasm." The Boss howls with laughter, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Dilbert says to Wally, "This explains so much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2001's comic on:


Tags #stock market expert, #core holding, #dead cat bounce, #secret economic model, #book sales, #financial markets

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Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert is seen through a TV screen. He says, "If your core holding is a falling knife, you can dollar cost average through the dead cat bounce." A man is watching TV on his couch. Dogbert's voice continues, "My secret economic model says you should change your cash allocation from 12.4% to 12.3%." Dogbert and the TV interviewer are seen through a spilt screen on the TV. Dogbert says, "My new book is, 'If you aren't churning, you aren't learning." The interviewer replies, "Don't come back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2003's comic on:


Tags #cat show, #clothing, #date, #good listener, #mindless replica, #uninteresting stories

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A female coworker asks Dilbert, "Would it be okay if I asked your mindless replica for a date?" The coworker continues, "I'm full of uninteresting stories and I need a guy who's a good listener." The coworker and the Visibuddy are at dinner. The coworker says, "Now I'll describe the clothing of each person at the cat show." The Visibuddy hits himself in the head with a fork, "Thunk!"