Search Results for "classified as disease"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #honesty, #viruses, #honest opinions, #causing problems, #medical records, #engineer, #classified as disease, #vaccination

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I can't stop voicing my honest opinions. It's causing problems at work." Doctor says, "According to your medical records, you're an engineer. We classify that as a disease now." Man says, "Gaaa!!! You haven't had your pon farr vaccination." Dilbert says, "Is it warm in here?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1998's comic on:


Tags #top priority, #project classified, #email, #project not feasible, #quality festival

View Transcript

Transcript

As Dilbert is working on the computer, The Boss comes over and says, "I fought to get your project classified as our top priority." Dilbert turns around and asks, "Did you get my e-mail saying the project isn't feasible?" The boss walks off and thinks, "I'll wait until tomorrow to tell him he's chairman of the 'quality festival'."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2002's comic on:


Tags #elbonians, #classified ad, #nuclear war head, #russian craftsmanship, #third world countries, #slingshot, #hundred yards

View Transcript

Transcript

Two Elbonians show up at Dilbert's house door. Dogbert opens. An Elbonian says, "We saw your classified ad for a nuclear warhead." Dogbert says, "It's genuine Russian craftsmanship, ideal for menacing other third-world countries." An Elbonian responds, "Sweet." An Elbonian holds the warhead and says, "Our slingshot can fling this a hundred yards. Is that enough?" Dogbert looks at their briefcase full of money and says, "That's plenty."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #watching tv, #news anchors, #report, #tv cameras, #shows, #evil or stupid, #heart disease, #stupid, #banter, #stinks

View Transcript

Transcript

TV Anchorman: Researchers have proven that working with evil or stupid people causes heart disease. Ha Ha! I wonder if the amount of stupidness makes a difference. Your witty banter stinks today.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2004's comic on:


Tags #budget cut, #25% budget cut, #ulcers, #heart disease, #product, #envy, #mysterious pustles

View Transcript

Transcript

"If I cut you product development budget by 25%, what could you develop?" "Ulcers, heart disease and maybe mysterious pustules." "How about the product itself?" "It will envy me."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2002's comic on:


Tags #best practices, #classified budget, #consultanats, #layoffs, #merger, #new ceo, #office relocation, #reorganized, #savings, #startegy, #whole industry, #budget freeze

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a diagram that reads, "Year 1." He says, "The project got off to a slow start." Dilbert continues, "First we had the reorganization." Dilbert continues, "Then the merger. And the layoffs." Dilbert continues, "Budget freeze. Office relocation." Dilbert continues, "New Ceo, New consultants, New strategy." Business associates listen as Dilbert continues, "Eventually the whole industry changed and the opportunity evaporated." Dilbert continues, "So we classified our unused budget as "savings" and gave everyone a shirt. A female business associate turns to The Boss and says, "You said you'd show us your 'best practices.'" The Boss replies, "What are you implying?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #illness, #laziness, #sitting disease, #sit all day, #bad health, #safety more eimportant, #drink coffee instead

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #vaccinnations, #wicked case, #disease, #heat, #every seven years, #kill me!

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My doctor says I have a wicked case of Pop Farr. Its when vulcans and engineers go into gear every seven years. Alice: Im pretty sure, I don't care but let me check my calendar just in case... Alice: Someone kill me! Now Now! Now! continued

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1992's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair reading and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs reading. Ratbert asks, "Why does Dogbert always get to sit on your legs and I never do?" Dilbert replies, "Because Dogbert is my best friend and you're just a disease-carrying vermin." Ratbert thinks, "Maybe this isn't the time to launch my 'family hug time' concept."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1992's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I caught the disease puppetitis from somebody I dated." The woman moves her hand like a puppet and says, "Ha ha! That's right! Now her hand is a puppet!" Dilbert thinks, "I hate the nineties." The woman's puppet hand says, "Join us . . . Don't be afraid."