Search Results for "coding"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #computer software

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, did you finish coding the paywall for our website? Wally: I did something better. I wrote a script to delete any new content as soon as it's posted. At bonus time, keep in mind that you're the one who had the idea to eliminate revenue, and I'm the one who lowered hosting costs.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did I remember to tell you before you finished the coding that the user's specifications changed? Dilbert: AAAIII-YIIIII-YIIII-YIII!!! Boss: So, no-ish? Dilbert: BAM! BAM! BAM!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 1997's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to Wally, "I can't raise your salary level because you don't have ten years experience with 'Java' coding." Wally raises his hand and says, "Nobody has ten years experience with new technology! You're just being evil. Admit it." Catbert's head spins. Wally says, "And could you please shake your head back and forth instead of spinning it around?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2005's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

How's the coding coming along? "No problem unless..." "...some moron tries to standardize on a new programming methodology in the middle of the project." "What if it's me instead of some moron guy?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2005's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

The project was moving along well until management changed our coding language and methodology. "Now our timeline is represented by this M.C. Escher print of an endless stairway." "This deep-sea submarine is looking for our morale." "Would this be a bad time to add a few features?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #computer, #work, #progress, #software, #annoyed, #grit teeth, #drink coffee, #inspiration, #machine

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Wally, have you made any progress coding your module?" Wally says, "Progress is difficult to measure in the software realm." Wally says, "You could measure the lines of code I produce, but that would reward inefficiency." Wally says, "The art of this job is binding the rare moments of inspiration to knowledge and machines." Wally says, "In fact, just a minute ago I could feel the inspiration welling up inside me." Wally says, "But then you interrupted me with your naive question and the moment was lost." Wally says, "Maybe you should go back to your office and reflect on the damage you've done here today." Wally thinks, "There goes the one person who has less of a real job than I do."

Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2015's comic on:


Tags #internet, #binary, #code, #coding, #developing countries, #annoyance, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have been sent to disable the Elbonian Internet as retaliation for hacking into our corporate network. Elbonian 1: Only our elites use the Internet. The rest of us don't care. Knock yourself out. Elbonian 2: Zero, zero, one, zero, one... Elbonian 3: I wish someone would just disable this thing.

Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #social interaction, #social media, #coders, #coding, #engineers, #friends, #work ethic, #social life

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented an app that evaluates job candidates based on their online footprint. Here's a guy with no friend, no hobbies, no family, and hundreds of high-quality code submissions to GitHub. Wait, that's me. Boss: Do you have any apps about other people?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #insult, #offense, #engineer, #programmer, #coding, #anger

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: How's the software coming? Alice: Still waiting for you to give me the specs so I can start. Man: I already told you it's a cloud app that does data. Hey, I can't do your job for you. You have to meet me halfway. Aren't you supposed to be "agile?" I mean, how hard is it to rearrange zeroes and ones all day? Should I ask again tomorrow? Alice: Sure, if you're alive.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #technology, #coding, #code, #control, #efficiency, #purpose, #job, #red tape

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac: Step away from that open source code! Dilbert: Why? Mordac: Because I am Mordac, The Preventer of All Efficient Solutions in the Information Technology Realm. Dilbert: That isn't an actual job. Mordac: I was hoping it was. I lost the file with my job description. That was five years ago. I've been winging it since then. My parents taught me that I could be anything I wanted to be. And I wanted to be this. So don't use that code! Dilbert: Not even when you turn around?