Search Results for "company culture"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Something About Honesty

Thank you for voting.
Something About Honesty - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #company, #culture, #business, #concept, #abstraction

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want to make sure my project plan is consistent with our company culture. But I don't know what our culture is. Maybe you could describe it? Boss: Um... maybe something about honesty? Dilbert: No, I would have noticed that by now.

Culture Is Our Greates Strength

Thank you for voting.
Culture Is Our Greates Strength - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #culture, #company, #competition, #obliviousness, #modesty, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our greatest strength is our company culture. Dilbert: What's our company culture. Wally: Give us a hint. Boss: We're fiercely competitive. Wally: Do we hide it because we're also modest?

Culture As An Asset

Thank you for voting.
Culture As An Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #company, #culture, #motivation, #strategy, #buzzword, #jargon, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've been telling employees that our culture is our best asset. Catbert: Do they pretend that makes sense? Boss: Yes, because we have a culture of lying to avoid conflict.

Priorities

Thank you for voting.
Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #priorities, #culture, #company, #money, #greed, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: There seems to be some confusion about what our company culture is. Boss: Our priorities are honesty, integrity, and return on investment. Alice: Which priority is the highest? Boss: Integrity won't buy me a new boat.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #first impression, #culture, #interview, #job interview, #deception, #revenge, #nice, #niceness, #nice people, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Job Interview. Boss; When I make hiring decisions, my biggest priority is cultural fit. Man: Your buzzwords are like music to my unemployed ears. And here come some employees who can tell me about your company culture. Boss: Uh-oh. Man: Hey, guys. Can I ask some questions about the culture here? Dilbert: Working here is like a paradise. Wally: Best place ever. Dilbert: Our days are full of laughter, hugging, and camaraderie. Wally: Coffee is free! Man: Wow. Thanks. I look forward to working here. Boss: ??? Dilbert: I didn't like that guy. Wally: I'm glad we got our revenge in advance.

The Problem Is Humans

Thank you for voting.
The Problem Is Humans  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #complaining, #bureaucracy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "It takes an average of five people to approve any action in this company, and at any given time, three are on vacation." Wally says, "Should I violate our company culture of consensus building, or just sit around and do nothing for lack of buy-in?" The boss says, "Did you mention flailing around in futility?" Wally says, "I was hoping you forgot that option."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #company culture, #culture, #hiring, #incompetence, #work culture, #good fit, #stigma, #cultural hires, #wishes, #rise above

View Transcript

Transcript

Larry: Hi, I'm Larry. I was hired because I'm a good cultural fit. I hope we can get past the stigma that cultural hires are incompetent. But I don't know how to do that. Alice: Maybe you could ask a competent person to help you.

Need To Be More Creative

Thank you for voting.
Need To Be More Creative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #manager, #managing, #creativity, #company culture, #control, #leadership

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to be more creative. Also, don't do anything except what I tell you to do or else I'll fire you. Dilbert: Thank you for your leadership. Boss: We also need to communicate less.

Compensation Based On Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Compensation Based On Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #company culture, #raise, #wages, #job satisfaction, #compensation, #psychology, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.