Search Results for "competition"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #elbonian, #factory, #million dollars, #competition, #office, #rebel attack

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Dilbert: Rebels have threatened to attack our Elbonian factory unless we give them a million dollars. The Boss: "That's outrageous! Tell them their competition offered to not attack us for half that price." Negotiations begin Elbonian: "That wouldn't even cover our costs of not attacking!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cannibals, #victims, #staving competition, #cannibalizing

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Dilbert: Our new product is cannibalizing our old product. Either we have a brilliant strategy for staving off competition, or our CEO is the victim of a bully. Bully: Ha ha! Why don't you stop cannibalizing yourself?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #powerpoint, #technology, #competition, #industry, #one slide, #presentation, #meeting, #investors

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Boss: I need you to make a PowerPoint deck for my meeting with investors. I'll be telling them everything I know about technology, competition, and the industry. Dilbert: So... just the one slide? Boss: Huh? Dilbert: How big do these fonts go?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition, #engineers, #not fierce, #sex appeal, #sexiest, #welcome

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Tina: You have been named one of the sexiest engineers in the world. At the risk of sounding unkind, the competition was not fierce. Dilbert: I'm one of the sexiest engineers in the world. Wally: Welcome to the club.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #capitalism, #big business, #competition, #benefit

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CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

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Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition

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CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Family Of Squirrels In A Tire

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Family Of Squirrels In A Tire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2017's comic on:


Tags #competition, #management, #managers, #obliviousness, #direction

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Boss: Why can't we innovate as quickly as our competition? Dilbert: Maybe it's because our management is like a family of squirrels that lives inside an old tree. Boss: Can you be more specific? Dilbert: It's a Goodyear tire with five grey squirrels.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #meetings, #test script, #prodcut

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Dilbert says, "I spent the week writing a test script for our product." Wally says, "And I wrote a test script to test Dilbert's test script." Wally says, "Your script was almost perfect. Keep up the good work, buddy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #prosperity, #competition (psychology)

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The Boss says, "We're not creative enough to create whole new markets, the way apple does." The Boss says, "And we're not powerful enough for a fast follower strategy." The Boss says, "What we need is a sexy, strategic-sounding name for crumb-snatching." Dilbert says, "Niche player?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #inventions, #facebook, #robot arm, #talented employees, #giant condescending facebook

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Catbert says, "Facebook has created a giant robot arm to steal talented employees from other companies." Catbert says, "It's here!!!" Catbert says, "No, it looks like we got the giant condescending Facebook robot arm instead."