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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #capitalism, #big business, #competition, #benefit

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CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.

Employee Weight Loss Contest

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Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition

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CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #competition (psychology)

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Dilbert says, "I spent the week writing a test script for our product." Wally says, "And I wrote a test script to test Dilbert's test script." Wally says, "Your script was almost perfect. Keep up the good work, buddy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #prosperity, #competition (psychology)

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The Boss says, "We're not creative enough to create whole new markets, the way apple does." The Boss says, "And we're not powerful enough for a fast follower strategy." The Boss says, "What we need is a sexy, strategic-sounding name for crumb-snatching." Dilbert says, "Niche player?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #competition (psychology)

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Catbert says, "Facebook has created a giant robot arm to steal talented employees from other companies." Catbert says, "It's here!!!" Catbert says, "No, it looks like we got the giant condescending Facebook robot arm instead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #cowardice

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Man: This can't be done. Dilbert: You aren't capable of doing it. Man: I'm not saying I'm incapable! I could do this in my sleep! Dilbert: Because it's easy. Man: What's happening here?! Dilbert: Ninja.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology)

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Boss: Your annual skip-level meeting with my boss is next week. Everything you say about me is confidential. But just to be on the safe side, I scheduled my retribution for every day of the following year.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #competition (psychology)

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Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology)

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Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #annoyance

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Boss: I made a few tweaks to your idea. Now if it fails it was your idea, and if it works I can claim credit. Boss: Genius comes in many forms. Dilbert: Such as steaming and oval?