Search Results for "consulatant"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the consultant, #analytical mind, #business consultant, #socially dysfunctional, #brought in, #consulatant

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Ratbert the Consultant Dogbert: It takes more than a brilliant analytical mind to be a business consultant, You also need to be arrogant and socially dysfunctional, Ratbert: Does anybody know what a consultant was brought in to do your thinking? anybody? anbbody?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the consulatant, #computers, #highly exuberant, #general protection, #flying lessons

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Ratbert stands on Alice's desk and says, "I don't know much about computers so I compensate by being highly exuberant." Ratbert shouts, "Yes!! Yes!! Computers!! Wahoo!!!" Ratbert looks at the monitor and says, "Hey look! It's not my fault; it's some guy named 'general protection.'" Alice reaches for Ratbert and says, "It's time for your flying lessons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the consulatant, #existing computer, #new one, #new system, #devastating, #paid exactly the same

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Ratbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Ratbert says, ". . . Then we'll turn off the existing computer systems and fire up the new one." Dilbert asks, "What if the new system doesn't work on the first try? Won't the economic impact be devastating?" Ratbert says, "Let me check my contract . . . Nope. I get paid exactly the same." Dilbert says, "Yeah, same here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1997's comic on:


Tags #rather the consulatant, #sit on head, #play bulldozer, #too much power

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Ratbert tells the Boss, "Now that you're under my spell, I'd like to sit on your head and play bulldozer." The Boss stares straight ahead and holds his arms out. Ratbert sits on the Boss's head and pulls on his hair. He says, "Make some engine noises with your lips!" Ratbert laughs as the Boss makes noises. Alice asks Dilbert and Wally, "Do you think our consultant has too much power?" Dilbert replies, "Nah. He's barely moving that file cabinet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2001's comic on:


Tags #six sigma program, #doomed, #same consulatant, #worthless progarms, #totally different name

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"You've got to implement a six sigma program or else you're doomed." "Aren't you the same consultant who sold us the worthless TQM program a few years ago?" "I assure you that this program has a totally, totally different name." "When can we start?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #six sigma consulatant, #increased profits, #industry downturns, #flat growth, #industries, #upturned

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Headline: Six Sigma Consultant. Dogbert says to The Boss and Dilbert, "Every company that used my six sigma program increased profits." Dogbert continues, "...Except for the ones that were in industry downturns..." Dogbert continues, "...Or flat growth industries... Or industries that only upturned a little bit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2001's comic on:


Tags #selfish, #dimwitted, #six sigma consulatant, #bog down meetings, #process, #can't hurt anything

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Headline: Six Sigma Consultant. Dogbert is standing in front of a room. He says, "All of you are selfish and dimwitted but don't worry." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach you a process that will bog you down in meetings so you can't hurt anything." Asok panics and exclaims, "I can't move my arms!" The rest of the class is asleep.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2001's comic on:


Tags #six sigma consulatant, #identify probelms, #control fist, #give me a belt, #second step

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Headline: Six Sigma Consultant. Dogbert says to the meeting, "The first step is to identify your problems." The Boss responds, "We don't have any problems. What's the second step?" Alice pins one hand down with the other and clenches her teeth. She thinks to herself, "Must..control...fist." The Boss says, "I hope someone gives me a belt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #computer, #dont breathe, #help, #rat, #software, #software consulatant, #trying to help, #technology, #engineering

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Ratbert the software consultant RatBert: Don't let your lack of knowledge interfere with my brilliance. Don't touch the keyboard, don't offer opinions and don't breathe so loudly that I can hear it. Ratbert: There. I've either configured your software or erased something called a bios.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #management consulatant, #consulting firm, #worthless, #managing, #consulting, #hired

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Dogbert: "You should hire me as your management consultant." Man: "We're a management consulting firm. We don't need a management consultant to consult us." Dogbert: "Are you saying that management consulting is worthless?" Man: "No, I'm saying we already know everything about management consulting." Dogbert: "How can you be so sure I can't help you when you don't know what my advice will be?" Man: "Okay, you're hired. What's your advice?" Dogbert: "Beats me. I'll have to ask my management consultant."