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The Self Serving Consultant

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The Self Serving Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #consultant, #cruelty, #laziness, #work ethic

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The Self-Serving Consultant. Dogbert: I recommend firing this guy so you have more money for me. I also recommend withholding his final check until he makes all of my PowerPoint slides for me. Man: This is messed up. Dogbert: Add some recommendations so I sound smart.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #discussion, #internet & world wide web, #humor consultant, #have more fun, #internet access to entertainment, #funny comment

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Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #obliviousness, #hired consultant, #less confident, #overconfident people, #don't recognize mistakes, #didn't know studies, #feel like idiot

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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #efficiency experts, #golf, #management consultant, #initate, #golf tournament, #profits

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Boss: I hired a management consultant to teach us something he calls backwards causation. Dogbert: I studied the most successful companies. If you imitate them, you'll feel as if you have a strategy. Number one: sponsor a golf tournament so your CEO can meet celebrities. Boss: Profits, here we come.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2007's comic on:


Tags #dark, #decompose, #defecation, #driving, #green consultant, #hate earth, #procreating, #stop eating

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Dogbert the Green Consultant Dogbert: "Stop eating, breathing, driving, defecating, and procreating." "Sit in the dark and decompose on some garden seeds." "Or do you admit you hate Earth?" The Boss:"A little."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2007's comic on:


Tags #green consultant, #rm your suv, #hybrid cars, #stop using fuel, #save earth, #other people sacrifice

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Dogbert the green consultant Dogbert: "Try ramming your SUV into hybrid cars." "That should stop them from using fuel altogether." "You can't save the Earth unless you're willing to make other people sacrifice." CEO: "I'm in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2007's comic on:


Tags #green consultant, #source of methane, #free source, #energy, #small office, #give, #butt, #hose, #pants

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Dogbert the green consultant Dogbert: "Your coworkers have identified you as a source of methane." Dogbert: "If we capture this free source of energy we can power a small office building." Wally: "I give and I give."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #configure software, #consultant, #doohickey, #vendor

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The Boss: Our vendor sent us a consultant to help configure the software. We can tell how important we are by looking at the consultant they assigned to us. RatBert: The word that comes to mind is doohickey."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #consultant, #virtualization, #project, #employees, #heavy thinking, #obstacles, #progress

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The Boss: I hired a consultant to help with our virtualization project because I don't trust employees with anything important. Dogbert: I will do the heavy thinking while each of you performs your usual duties as obstacles to progress. Dilbert: You said this is my project! Dogbert: I'll let him unplug something.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2008's comic on:


Tags #jesus, #downsized, #return as consultant, #save pensions, #forgetful boss

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Pronounced Hay-Soos The Boss: Jesus, I thought you got down-sized. Jesus: I came back. Tell the others I was downsized so I could return as a consultant and save their pensions. The Boss: I should have written that down."