Search Results for "consulting"
Share July 12, 2000's comic on:
The Boss says to his staff, "I saved the money by buying a used consulting report." The Boss continues, "We're going to give the exclusive rights for something called DOS to something called Microsoft." The Boss adds, "I have a good feeling about this."
Share August 28, 2000's comic on:
Dogbert says to the Boss while standing atop his desk, "I now offer self-service consulting." Dogbert continues, "Write down your strategy and I'll send you massive bills." The Boss asks, "Do you have a card?" Dogbert replies, "I was hoping you'd print some for me."
Share August 29, 2000's comic on:
Dogbert says to the staff during a session of self-service consulting, "I was hired because you're all dumber than a crate of anvils." Dogbert continues, "Now, can anyone tell me if your operations are centralized or decentralized?" Asok waves his hand excitedly, "Ooh! Ooh! I just thought of a strategy!"
Share October 06, 2003's comic on:
Consultant: My consulting firm specializes in fixing business strategies. Dilbert: Have you ever figured out why your own industry is in the toilet? Consultant: I'll give you a thousand dollars never to mention that again.
Share October 20, 2003's comic on:
"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."
Share June 14, 2005's comic on:
Dogbert: Here's my bill for the consulting work I've done for you over the past year. The Boss: "What consulting? I haven't seen any reports." Dogbert: "I did it all in my head. I don't like to waste paper." The Boss: "What's your recommendation?" Dogbert: "Status Quo. You're doing everything right."
Share June 15, 2005's comic on:
"I keep paying you for consulting, but you never make any recommendations." "I'm what you call a "feel good."" "My job is to make you feel secure in the knowledge that someone brilliant is shaping your strategies." "This is weird; I hate you, but at the same time I feel good." "You're welcome."
Share November 11, 2005's comic on:
Share November 12, 2005's comic on:
Board Meeting "I recommend outsourcing your CEO's job and saving the company $26 million per year." "For $4 per year you can hire an Elbonian CEO who is just as good as this guy." "Now do you understand why you should have renewed my consulting contract?"
Share February 27, 2013's comic on:
Boss: I hired The Dogbert Ergonomic Consulting Company to tell us about the health benefits of standing. Dogbert: Standing be good. Boss: That's it? Dogbert: The topic isn't as complicated as you might think.