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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I worked all year on a project that got canceled today because we got a new vice president who didn't like it." "I made a billion dollars by convincing suckers that a garbage barge was oceanfront real estate." "Would you lend me some money so I can open my own business." "No, but I know some people on a barge who would."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Catbert, the evil director of human resources, posts a job opening. Requirements: Candidate must have an I.Q. of 200, two centuries of unix experience and a track record of winning nobel prizes. "90% of my job is convincing people they don't deserve theirs."

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Tags #convincing, #plan, #scheme, #twitter, #lazy

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Wally says, "We find you interesting." The boss says, "You do?" Wally says, "Oh, yes. Every little thing you do is interesting." The Boss says, "I didn't know that." Wally says, "Hey, I just had an idea." Wally says, "Maybe you should use twitter to leave us little messages about all of your days activities." Dilbert says, "It would make us feel connected to our leader. And dare I say, more motivated." The Boss says, "Well, gosh. I suppose I could try it." Wally says, "I already feel an improvement in my quality of life." Wally says, "Where's idiot boy now?" Dilbert says, "In the parking lot. No need to look busy yet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2013's comic on:


Tags #actors & actresses, #work ethic, #contests

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Computer: Dear Wally, You have been nominated for an academy award... for your convincing portrayal of an employee who does actual work. Dilbert: Do you think you'll win? Wally: It's a dishonor just to be nominated.

I Need Solutions Not Unexpected Problems

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I Need Solutions Not Unexpected Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #managers, #managers & supervisors, #authority, #convincing

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Boss: Are you going to meet the launch deadline? Dilbert: No. There were unexpected problems. Boss: I need solutions, not unexpected problems! Did that mean anything? Dilbert: Almost. Good try.