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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #moneybags magazine, #ask employees, #claims are true, #cover story

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Dogbert is sitting at a desk. Bob the Dinosaur approaches and says, "The reporter from Moneybags Magazine is here." Dogbert responds, "Send him in." The reporter sits across from Dogbert. Dogbert asks, "Are you planning to ask my employees if my claims are true?" The reporter replies, "Nah, too lazy." Dogbert says, "I credit my success to the foot massages I personally give to each employee." The reporter takes notes and thinks to himself, "Cover story!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2004's comic on:


Tags #morons on parade, #magazine, #cover story, #writer, #interview

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Dogbert: I'm a writer for 'Morons on Parade' magazine. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? The Boss: okay...but only if you promise to not make me look bad. Dogbert: cover story!!! Woo-Hoo!!! The boss: Really?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2005's comic on:


Tags #gullible world, #magazine, #cover story, #shed pounds, #yell at children, #eat your way, #be a better parent

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My new magazine is called 'Gullible World'. "This month's cover story is 'Shed Pounds by Yelling at Your Children'." "Next month will be 'Eat Your Way to Being a Better Parent'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cartoonists, #ventriloquism, #writing, #hand puppet, #data overload, #ridiculous, #poorly written story, #case closed

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Police says, "We have a report of a pointy-haired boss being stunned by data overload, stuffed, and used as a hand puppet." Alice says, "That's ridiculous. It sounds like the plot of a poorly written story arc." Police says, "It sounds poorly drawn too." Alice says, "Case closed, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #interviews, #biggest mistake, #learned from t, #old couch, #chewing, #starbucks, #never tell story

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Interview question. Boss: Describe your biggest mistake and what you learned from it. Man: I tried to get rid of an old couch by chewing it into tiny pieces and leaving one handful at a time at a Starbucks. Boss: And what did you learn? Man: I learned I should never tell that story.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #surgery, #discover, #convict, #Dogbert, #medical, #story, #arm chair, #escaped, #torso

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Dilbert yells, "Dogbert! I'm home after my second major surgery in two weeks!" Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, ". . . So after the first operation they discover that a tiny convict and a nurse had hidden inside my torso to escape . . ." Dogbert falls asleep. Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "Boy . . . It sure is hard to keep a medical story interesting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #car, #salesman, #Dogbert, #lying, #part, #crime, #pay, #retired, #readers digest, #special, #story

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I quit my job as a used car salesman." Dilbert asks, "Because you couldn't keep lying?" Dogbert replies, "No, the lying was good. I liked that part." Dilbert asks, "Was it because crime doesn't pay?" Dogbert says, "I made $400,000 this week. I'm retired now." Dilbert says, "I don't think this will ever be a 'Reader's Digest' very special story."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 1992's comic on:


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Dilbert opens the door and sees a man in a military uniform. The general says, "I'm a General from the Department of Government Cover-ups." The man continues, "If you tell your U.F.O. abduction story to the press we'll slay you with untraceable poison." Dilbert says, "I don't think I'm getting a good value for my tax dollar here." The General asks, "Breath mint?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 1995's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #too stressful, #company counselor, #re engineered, #counseling process, #cover sand

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An employee sits in Catbert's office. The man says, "My job is too stressful. Can I see a company counselor?" As he plays with the ball of string on his desk, Catbert replies, "I re-engineered our counseling process. Now we put you in a big hole and cover you with sand." The man stands in the hole while Catbert kicks sand onto him. The employee says, "If this is my only benefit I'd better get a LOT of sand!" Catbert says, "Just keep your mouth open."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #meeting, #copy, #agenda, #wrong, #awkward, #leave, #casually, #problem, #economy, #deeper, #interest, #rates, #cover, #dark

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Dilbert enters a conference room and asks, "Is this the meeting?" People at the table mumble a response. Dilbert says, "Good." A man says, "Everybody take a copy of the agenda." Dilbert reads the agenda and thinks, "I'm in the wrong meeting . . . Now it's too awkward to leave." Dilbert thinks, "I'll casually stretch my arms, flick the lights off and escape under cover of dark." Dilbert turns the light off. Several people say, "Ouch!" Five people lie on top of each other in the doorway. The man says, "Oh, sorry, wrong agenda." Dilbert arrives at home wearing tattered clothing. He tells Dogbert, "I'm starting to think that the problem with our economy is deeper than high interest rates."