Search Results for "cpr"
Share October 18, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a woman's desk wearing a gas mask. He says, "I have failed in my attempt to subtly tell you that your perfume is killing people. I will try a direct approach." Dogbert removes the mask and screams, "Hey!! You smell bad!!! B-a-a-a-d!!" Dilbert collapses onto the desk and the woman asks, "Should I give you CPR?" Dogbert says, "No-o-o-o!! Let me die!!"
Share January 08, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss peers around the corner and says, "Congratulations!" The Boss continues, "You've been named 'floor warden.'" The Boss explains, "In the event of a fire we'll rely on your leadership to get us out safely." Dilbert says, "Let me see if I understand this . . ." Dilbert continues, "YOU're the leader when it involves uninformed decisions in return for huge stock options." Dilbert continues, "But I'M the leader when it comes to rishing death in a highrise inferno while you scramble over the ashen backs of fallen co-workers." Dilbert asks, "What makes you think your life is worth more than mine?" The Boss replies, "I've got stock options and you're a floor warden." Dilbert says, "Don't expect any CPR."
Share May 07, 1999's comic on:
Man that looks like Mordac sits between Dilbert and Ted. Mordac says, "Chest pains.... My heart.." Mordac says, "I invented a antigravity belt but it's hidden!" Mordac keels over, his feet wave in the air. Ted says, "Do you think it's true?" Dilbert says, "It's what engineers says to increase the odds of getting CPR."
Share November 27, 2000's comic on:
Share November 28, 2000's comic on:
Catbert says to Dilbert and Asok the Intern, "The company will be holding mandatory CPR training for all employees." Asok says, "GAA!!" The Boss looks on as Asok says to Catbert, "I am surrounded by pear-shaped, beef-eating, middle-aged men who I prefer not to touch." Catbert and The Boss look on as Asok rubs his chest and says, "Uh-oh... I hope that's just stress."
Share November 29, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert, Catbert and The Boss look at Asok the Intern's legs sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert asks, "Asok is down. Does anyone know CPR?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "Is CPR the one where we take his kidney and leave him in a tub of ice?" Dilbert says to The Boss, "Um... I don't think so." The Boss says, "We'd better strip him and shave him just in case."
Share November 30, 2000's comic on:
Asok the Intern is down and his legs are sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert says to Wally, Alice and The Boss, "Okay, we have one vote for using CPR, one vote for the Heimlich Maneuver..." Dilbert continues, "And two votes for sneaking up behind him and yelling 'boo'." Dilbert, Wally, Alice and The Boss look at Asok lying on the floor as Dilbert says, "I don't see how we can get behind him." The Boss says, "What if we drill a hole from below?"
Share December 02, 2000's comic on:
Sitting up on the floor, Asok rubs his head and says to The Boss, Dilbert and Wally, "I'm alive!" Asok asks Dilbert, The Boss, Wally and Alice, "Which one of you angels administered the life-saving CPR?" Ratbert says to The Boss, Asok and Alice, "Speaking of 'Lifesavers,' I could sure use one right now."
Share March 06, 2004's comic on:
The Boss: "When I found out that the manager who replaced me was a witch, I set a fire in the break room." "The automatic sprinkler system came on and melted her. Witches don't like water." "Are you glad to have me back?" "I've been doing CPR on this blob for two days."
Share July 02, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: My CPR instructor says I was one of his best students. Topper: That's nothing. I'm so good at CPR that my practice dummy came to life. He grew limbs and got married to a crash test dummy. They had three mannequins together and they live in the suburbs. But the marriage didn't last because the CPR dummy could not forget the taste of my lips. I blame myself for being irresistible. Why do all of my conversations end with me sitting alone?