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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #beard, #close my eyes, #crazy beard, #new boss, #pet emplyee, #spin chair

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Ted, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Ted says, "As your new boss I have yet to select my 'pet' employee. I shall do this by closing my eyes and pointing the beard on my forehead." Ted sits facing away from the table with his eyes closed. He says, "To make it fair, I'll close my eyes while one of you spins my chair!" As Alice pushes Ted's chair into the stairwell Dilbert whispers, "Alice . . . Um . . . Technically this isn't 'spinning.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #bad habit, #misinterpreting, #bad mouthing, #too paranoid, #sounds crazy

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Co-worker 1: So, Dilbert, what else are you working on lately? Dilbert: I'd rather not say because you have a habit of misinterpreting everything you hear and then bad-mouthing it later. Co-worker 1: He basically said he's too paranoid to talk to people. Co-worker 2: He sounds crazy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #mental health, #crazy thought, #witness, #conference room, #fresh heck, #sadist, #sociopath

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Dilbert: Wait. Hold that crazy thought. I need to get a witness in the room. Alice, would you mind coming to the conference room for a minute? Alice: What fresh heck is this? Dilbert: Larry is a sadist and a sociopath, but he hides it when there's more than one witness. So, Larry, what do you think of my project? Coworker: It looks great! I'll be happy to help you in any way I can! Alice: Am I done here? Dilbert: Don't turn your back!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 1995's comic on:


Tags #computer holy wars, #scruffy beard, #suspenders, #smug expression, #unix computer user, #nickel, #better computer, #holy wars

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Wally approaches another employee and says, "Hold it right there, buddy." Wally continues, "That scruffy beard . . . those suspenders . . . that smug expression . . ." Wally concludes, "You're one of those condescending Unix computer users!" The man responds, "Here'a nickel, kid. Get yourself a better computer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #grow a beard, #ted, #not smart enough, #grows horn

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Dilbert, Wally and Ted are drinking coffee. Ted says, "I've decided to mask my boyish looks by growing a beard." As he and Dilbert walk away, Wally says, "I didn't think Ted was smart enough to know how to grow a beard." Dilbert laughs. The caption says, "Two weeks later." Ted points to a beard growing on his forehead and says to the Boss, "How do you like my beard?" The Boss thinks, "My search for a new manager is over."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #promoted ted, #new manager, #new beard, #grow from forehead, #wrong, #punish them, #bad opinions

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The Boss gestures toward Ted and says to Alice and Dilbert, "I promoted Ted to be your new manager. I used to think he looked boyish, but his new beard has changed that." Alice and Dilbert look shocked. Alice asks, "Are either of you the least bit concerned that Ted's beard is growing from his forehead?" As they walk away, Ted says to the Boss, "She made it sound as if it's wrong." The Boss says, "You can punish them for having bad opinions."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 1996's comic on:


Tags #alice crazy, #can't complain, #screen saver, #wally clipping nails, #made recording, #alice, #wally annoying sounds

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Alice sits at her desk listening to sounds coming over the cubicle wall. She clenches her teeth and thinks, "Oh, no . . . It's the maddening sound of Wally clipping his nails." Alice thinks, "The sound makes me crazy, but I can't complain because it would sound silly. Must . . . Wait . . ." Dilbert stands behind Wally and asks, "You made your own screen saver?" Wally replies, "It's called 'Wally's 101 Annoying Cubicle Sounds.'" The sound of slurping comes from his computer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 1997's comic on:


Tags #growing beard, #hide no chin, #loose sweaters, #no waist, #sherlock holmes outfir, #no clue, #mannnequins, #friends

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Wally is sitting with his tray of food at a table in the company cafeteria. Dilbert is about to sit down. Wally says, "I'm thinking of growing a beard to disguise the fact that I have no chin." Alice joins Wally and Dilbert at the table. Wally continues, "Then I'll get some loose sweaters to disguise the fact that I have no waist." Alice says, "Maybe you should get a Sherlock Holmes outfit to disguise the fact that you have no clue." Wally says, "Perhaps some mannequins as friends."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2000's comic on:


Tags #cancel others, #crazy ideas, #one you of ten, #research projects, #research and development

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Wally says to the Boss: "One out of ten research and development projects will succeed." He continues: "I recommend cancelling the other nine." Sitting at lunch with his co-workers, Wally says: "I wonder where he gets all these crazy ideas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2001's comic on:


Tags #positive reinforcement, #addicted, #wearing off, #crazy woman, #drool, #lunch room, #boss words

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Dilbert, Alice and Wally are eating lunch. Alice says, "I experienced something called positive reinforcement today." Alice continues, "I'm addicted to it now... But it's wearing off... Must get more..." Alice says, "Say something nice about me!" Dilbert chews his lunch as Wally says, "For a crazy woman you don't drool much."