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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #manager, #inspiration, #entrepreneur, #risk, #irony, #catch-22, #creativity, #creative, #motivation

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Boss: I want you to think like entrepreneurs. Dilbert: Should we take huge risks? Boss: No, the stockholders would hate that. Alice: Should we act as though we have no boss? Boss: NO. That would be chaos. Dilbert: Will we become billionaires if we succeed? Boss: Raises are capped at 3% this year. I'm just saying you should be more creative. Dilbert: and then we should act? Boss: No, that's when the problems happen.

Be Creative With Funding

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Be Creative With Funding  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #creativity, #funding, #money, #progress, #trick

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Dilbert: I couldn't do any work this week because you forgot to ask for funding for my project. Boss: Stop making excuses. Be creative. Ted: Why do you want to know my project charge code? Dilbert: Just curious.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #prosperity, #competition (psychology)

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The Boss says, "We're not creative enough to create whole new markets, the way apple does." The Boss says, "And we're not powerful enough for a fast follower strategy." The Boss says, "What we need is a sexy, strategic-sounding name for crumb-snatching." Dilbert says, "Niche player?"

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Share September 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #stress, #interviews

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Alice: Are you creative? Man: Oh, yes. I'm very creative. Alice: Research tells us that creative people take ethical shortcuts and are generally less honest. Man: Ooh. Alice: Do you take a long time to do things? Man: I don't know the right answer! Interview

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Share September 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #cruelty

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Coworker: I like to think of myself as a creative person. Alice: And by that you mean you're bad at math and you don't have any analytical skills. Dilbert: Is it permanent?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #choosing

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Boss: We need creative ideas for our next product. But not from you. Your ideas are awful. And don't suggest something that is already being done. That just puts your ignorance on public display. I don't want to hear any ideas that cost money or increase risk. As usual, I'll evaluate each idea by repeating it slowly while I look at your with disdain. If you come up with a good idea, I'll let you take on the project in addition to your existing work. Who wants to go first? How did I hire so many people who have no ideas? Catbert: Probably bad luck.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #thinking

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Boss: I hired Ken to teach us how to be more creative. According to his business card, his title is "ideationista." Ken: That was some of my best work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #parties, #dating

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Woman: Okay, what's going on here? Dilbert: I'm creative. Studies show that women prefer creative men for short-term relationships. Woman: That plant is random, not creative. Dilbert: Creativity is random. If creativity were anything but random, someone would have figured out the algorithm by now. I notice that your pupils are dilating. That's a sign of attraction. My plan is working. Free will is an illusion. Humans are nothing but moist robots. Just relax and let it happen. Woman: This is weird. I'm actually attracted to you now. Dilbert: Thanks, but I'm going to shop around. Woman: My world no longer makes sense! Dilbert: Walk it off.

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Share December 20, 1989's comic on:


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Dilbert sits at a table examining a device. Dilbert says, "I'm afraid I'll never figure out how to make my invention work." Dogbert says, "You are too logical. Use the right side of your brain." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . Yes, I must call on my creative side . . ." Dilbert puts the gadget on the table, hangs his head and says, "Now it doesn't work AND I want to cry."

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Share January 02, 1991's comic on:


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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table. Dilbert asks, "Well? What do you think of my book so far?" Dogbert looks at the manuscript and says, "It reminds me of 'Moby Dick.'" Dilbert asks, "Because of my creative metaphors and strong imagery?" Dogbert responds, "No, it just seems to me that a big whale wouldn't smell too good, either."