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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #critical, #first, #sound, #date, #little man, #attached, #back, #co-worker, #successful, #pressure

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Dilbert arrives at a woman's door carrying flowers. Floyd is still attached to Dilbert's back. The woman says, "I don't mean to sound critical on a first date, but there's a little man attached to your back." Dilbert says, "That's Floyd. He's a co-worker who survives by sharing the success of others." The woman asks, "What if you're not successful?" Dilbert replies, "He'll die. But hey, no pressure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #emergency assignment, #critical, #moot, #crisis, #moots

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"EMERGENCY ASSIGNMENT!! URGENT! URGENT!" "It's only critical because everything sits on your desk until it either becomes moot or a crisis." "From now on, I'm giving him the moots." "Aging" "Crises" "Moot"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #form a vidion, #concept for requirements, #startman, #mission critical, #functions, #quality vectors, #fine line, #participation, #and mockery

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The Boss sits at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. The Boss says, "Maybe we could form a vision statement of our concepts for requirements." Wally says, "Or maybe we can bound our strawman by the mission-critical functions of our quality vector!" As they walk away, Dilbert says to Wally, "You're shameless." Wally responds, "There's a fine line between participation and mockery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 1995's comic on:


Tags #critical system, #all the power, #essential upgardes, #simple fool, #next emplyee, #vendor issues, #compatibility

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Dogbert stands on a desk and says to Wally, "It's funny - before your company bought that critical system from me, YOU had all the power . . ." Dogbert yells, "But now, only I can provide essential upgrades!! I call the shots, you simple fool!!" Dogbert says, "Send in the next employee." Outside the cubicle Dilbert and another employee are standing in line holding numbers. The man says, "At least we don't have any multi-vendor compatibility issues."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 1996's comic on:


Tags #critical code, #air traffic control, #gifted programmer, #payroll system, #dont fly, #pay day

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Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "Wally writes the critical code for our nation's new air traffic control system. The crowd is silent." Wally thinks, "Suddenly the gifted programmer employs a rarely seen strategy of 'code reuse.' The crowd goes wild." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit a table eating lunch. Dilbert asks Wally, "So you used code from the payroll system?" Wally replies, "Here's a tip: don't fly on pay day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 1997's comic on:


Tags #critical, #dept phone list, #list alphabetically, #sort phone number

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Dilbert stands at the secretary's desk and says, "Carol, I don't mean to be critical about the department phone list you put together . . ." Dilbert continues, "But it's traditional to list people alphabetically, not sorted by phone number." Dilbert asks, "Because what possible use . . .?" Carol's telephone rings. She looks at the display and says, "Incoming call from . . . Let's see . . . It's Wally . . . I can ignore it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1997's comic on:


Tags #applying critical thinking, #children teaching, #critical thinking, #end of story, #father, #Parenting, #park bench, #right and wrong, #teach children, #Family

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Dogbert sits on a park bench with a man in a sweat suit. The man says, "I teach my kids that these things are right and these things are wrong. Period. End of story." Dogbert asks, "Wouldn't that teach them to believe anything they're told without applying any critical thinking?" The man replies, "I don't think about that." Dogbert says, "Duh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 1998's comic on:


Tags #chief financial offcier, #one sentence descriptions, #projects, #critical budget deciosns, #semi colons

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Caption: "Chief Financial Officer" The moron sits between Dilbert and the Boss. The moron says, "I need one-sentence descriptions of each of your projects." Dilbert says, "You're planning to make critical budget decisions based on THAT? " The Moron says, "Yes." Wally stands behind Dilbert who sits at his computer. Wally says, "Wow. Five pages without using a period." Dilbert says, "Thank God for semi-colons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 1999's comic on:


Tags #desk for month, #critical, #back of pile

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The boss sits at his desk with a huge pile of papers in front of him. The boss thinks, "This one has been on my desk for a month it's critical." The boss thinks, "I'll stick it back in the pile and see if that helps." The boss thinks, "Yes, I feel better already."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #emergency, #lostphone, #company id, #keys, #critical folder, #self generated crisi, #dead battery, #small brown purse

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Coworker: Emergency! I can't find my phone and I"m late for a customer meeting. Dilbert: Maybe it's with your company I.D. badge that you had to drive all the way home for this morning. Alice: It might be with your keys that you lost after lunch. Dilbert: Maybe it's under that critical folder that you couldn't find before your last meeting. Alice: Maybe it's wherever you created your last self-generated crisis. Coworker: I just remembered I put my phone in my purse because the battery is dead. Has anyone seen a small, brown purse?