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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #interviews, #wages, #interviewing, #salary range, #reveal nature of job, #current salary, #interviewing me, #evil or inconsiderate, #current job, #test the commute

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Man says, "Thanks for spending the day itnerviewing with us. I can now reveal the vature of the job and the salary range." Dilbert says, "You know my current salary and yet you wasted my entire day interviewing me for a job that pays less. You are either evil or inconsiderate." Man says, "So... not as good as your current job?" Dilbert says, "It's a tie. I'll need to test the commute one more time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1996's comic on:


Tags #co worker, #current job, #engineer, #higher salary, #throughly unqualified, #unrealistic plans, #wally resign

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Dilbert and Wally stand in the office kitchen. As he pours himself a cup of coffee, Wally says, "So I'm thinking I'll resign, then I'll reapply for my current job at a higher salary." As they walk back to their cubicles, Dilbert says, "That's a good plan except for the fact that you're thoroughly unqualified for your current job." Wally says, "I need to share my unrealistic plans with a friend who isn't an engineer." Dilbert says, "I'm more of a co-worker than a friend, per se."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 1996's comic on:


Tags #phil, #prince insufficient light, #spreme ruler, #hideous fates sins, #high pay, #eternal poverty, #useful, #appreciated, #current job, #telecommuting

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Phil the Ruler of Heck watches Dilbert and thinks, "My next victim." Phil says, "I am Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light and Supreme Ruler of Heck!!" Dilbert sits at his desk and replies, "Hi, Phil." Phil says, "You must choose one of these two hideous fates to pay for your sins." Phil continues, "You can choose eternal high pay, but all of your work will be burned in front of you at the end of each day . . ." Phil continues, "Or you can choose eternal poverty, but your work will be useful and appreciated." Dilbert says, "WOW! They're BOTH better than my current job!" Dilbert says, "Hey, Wally, you might want to get in on this!" Wally confesses, "I watch tv when I'm supposed to be telecommuting." Phil thinks, "I hate the nineties." Dilbert waves his hand and says, "Do me first!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2007's comic on:


Tags #job opening, #research and development, #escape the mismanaged, #futility, #current job, #boss has similar idea

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Dilbert: There's a job opening for an engineer in research and development!" "It's a chance to escape the mismanaged futility of my current job and live the dream!" The Boss: Hey, there's an opening for a new manager of research and development!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2013's comic on:


Tags #exploitation, #work ethic, #territorial mud, #web page, #forced labor camps, #current job, #capture canadian

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Elbonian: Halt! You have entered the territorial mud of North Elbonia! I'll text you a link to a web page about our forced labor camps. You might like them. Dilbert: This looks better than my current job. Elbonian: No rush, but I have an appointment to capture a Canadian at eleven.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #therapy, #addiction, #job posting, #dung beetlke, #epileptic cow, #disturbing imagery, #couch, #shrink, #current job, #unsatifying

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A woman says, "How long have you been addicted to ogling online job postings?" Alice says, "It started when I realized my current job is like a dung beetle trying to mate with an epileptic cow." The woman says, "That imagery is disturbing." Alice says, "I know, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2000's comic on:


Tags #stay at job, #easy commute, #risk everything, #fast paced start up, #yakking, #ipo

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At home, Dilbert asks Ratbert: "Should I stay at my current job where the commute is easy?" He continues: "Or should I risk everything and join a fast paced start-up company?" Bob the Dinosaur appears and says: "I joined a fast-paced start-up company while you were yakking." Ratbert joins in with: "Mine went IPO."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2002's comic on:


Tags #demoting to engineer, #job to crony, #real work, #pretend, #working, #one wally

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The new Senior Vice President says to The Boss, "I'm demoting you to engineer so I can give your current job to one of my cronies." The Boss exclaims, "I won't survive. I don't know how to do real work!" The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, can you teach me how to pretend to be working?" Wally replies, "Whoa! There can only be one Wally."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1997's comic on:


Tags #business like christianity, #faithful and obidient, #obtain bliss, #afterlife, #reincarnation model, #higher level employment, #bio degrade, #become wd40, #dinosuar

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Bob the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement." Dogbert continues, "Now it's more of a reincarnation model. If the worker learns enough in his current job, he can progress to a higher level of employment elsewhere." Dogbert continues, "These analogies aren't working for you, are they, Bob?" Bob replies, "My hope is that one day I will biodegrade and become 'WD-40' oil."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 1995's comic on:


Tags #marketing dept., #best engineers, #leverage technology, #ant farms, #speadsheets, #ant milk, #ant fram engineer, #ordered dilbert, #milk from ant, #no risk, #bite sized ant jerky

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Dogbert sits at a desk and says, "Here's how your marketing department can help retain your best engineers." The caption says, "Marketing gets an idea." A man points to a diagram and says, "We'll leverage our technology by building ant farms." The caption says, "Spreadsheets make the idea look profitable." The Boss and the man sit at a conference table. The man says, "The ant milk alone will be a positive NPV!" The Boss replies, "Wow!" He thinks, "What's an NPV?" The caption says, "Don't forget the 'worst case scenario.'" The man says, "Worst case, somebody builds a gigantic magnifying glass next door." The man contines, "Solution: bite-sized ant jerky!" The Boss says, "There's no risk!" The caption says, "An engineer will be assigned to the project." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Ant farms! Do it!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The caption says, "The engineer will challenge the assumptions." Dilbert says, "You can't get a gallon of milk from an ant!" The Boss asks, "What do YOU know about marketing?" The caption says, "Result: the engineer will never leave the company." An interviewer asks Dilbert, "So . . . Your current job is 'Ant Farm Engineer'?" Dilbert thinks, "I'm doomed."