Search Results for "data cloud"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #tupac video, #holgram, #data cloud, #economical

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Ted, have you seen the Tupac video where he performs as a hologram? We've decided to do the same thing with all of our employees. We're going to move your data to the cloud. Ted: Tupac is dead. Catbert: I think you mean economical.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bankruptcy, #big data, #bytes of data, #cloud, #consulatants, #evil, #evil company, #greed, #money bag, #pray to money, #servers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Consultants say three quintillion bytes of data are created every day. It comes from everywhere. It knows all. According to the book of Wikipedia, it's name is "Big Data." Big Data lives in the cloud. It knows what we do. In the past, our company did many evil things. But if we accept Big Data in our servers, we will be saved from bankruptcy. Let us pay. Alice: Is it too late to side with evil? Dilbert: Shhh! It hears you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #apathy, #northern data, #cloud, #cloud guy, #data center

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I migrated our northern data center to the cloud. But the cloud stopped working and I can't find the phone number for our clout guy. So... whatever. Boss: You lost our data center? Wally: That's one way to look at it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2013's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #actionable anlytics, #big data, #new jargon, #accelrate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do we have any actionable analytics from our big data in the cloud? Dilbert: Yes, the data shows that my productivity plunges whenever you learn new jargon. Boss: Maybe in-memory computing will accelerate your applications. Dilbert: Plunge, plunge, plunge.

Wally Working In The Cloud

Thank you for voting.
Wally Working In The Cloud - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #laziness, #the cloud, #work ethic, #software, #issues, #cell coverage, #home, #doing nothing

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: If you need me, I'll be in the cloud fixing a software issue. There's no cell coverage in the cloud, so it might seem to you as if I am at home doing nothing. If you need me, I'll be at home doing nothing. Dilbert: Why would anyone need you?

Data Encapsulation

Thank you for voting.
Data Encapsulation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #inheritance polymorphism, #managing, #bullying, #data encapsulation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you know the difference between data encapsulation and inheritance polymorphism? The boss: No. Dilbert: Then how can you manage someone who odes? The boss; Do you know the difference between managing and bullying? Dilbert: No. The Boss: Problem solved.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #therapy session, #cloud, #having meeting, #tech talk, #couch, #shrink, #avatar, #engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I was holding a virtual meeting using the cloud and... Therapist: you're already dead and you don't know it. Dilbert: um...no im an engineer. Therapist: and yet your should had a meeting in a cloud. Interesting. Dilbert: my people call it an avatar.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cartoonists, #ventriloquism, #writing, #hand puppet, #data overload, #ridiculous, #poorly written story, #case closed

View Transcript

Transcript

Police says, "We have a report of a pointy-haired boss being stunned by data overload, stuffed, and used as a hand puppet." Alice says, "That's ridiculous. It sounds like the plot of a poorly written story arc." Police says, "It sounds poorly drawn too." Alice says, "Case closed, right?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #meetings, #buddha jogging, #reliability stats, #data does not exist, #random numbers, #deep understanding of reality

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #approval from cloud, #matrix management, #office workers, #smoke cloud

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You'll need approval from the cloud. Dilbert: The cloud? Boss: It was once called Matrix Management. But it go so complicated that no one knows who does what. Dilbert: Can you approve this? Man: What did everyone else say?