Search Results for "deal directly"
Share February 12, 2014's comic on:
CEO: Who's up for some leadership? Watch me define acceptable behavior, align your goals with company objectives, prioritize respect, deal directly with conflict, maintain a positive attitude, and pretend to care! Wally: That would be impressive. CEO: Settle down, Bilbo.
Share February 23, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Your software services contract is too confusing for any normal human to comprehend." Dilbert says, "And it wouldn't be cost- effective to involve our attorneys for a deal so small." Dilbert says, "So I'll just take chance and sign it." Man says, "Doc... scrub in. I got the liver."
Share October 22, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and a man sit at a conference table. Dilbert asks Wally, "Any luck trying to get fired?" Wally replies, "No . . But I'll get that severance package yet." Wally continues, "This morning I Krazy-glued farm animals to the Boss, but he STILL won't deal with all the bureaucracy to fire me." The Boss has a chicken glued to his head and a pig and a cow glued to each arm. The Boss says, "The staff meeting may run a little long today."
Share April 19, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: You can't copyright the static on blank TV channels! Dogbert: "I already did." Dilbert: "You can't let my company pay fifty billion dollars to buy your so-called film library." Dogbert: "I already am." Dilbert: "I may have to blow the whistle on this deal." DOgbert: "It'll have to be a nose whistle - I copyrighted everything else."
Share October 06, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert walks past a man in a trench coat standing on a street corner. The man says, "Psst . . ." The secret agent asks, "Want to buy a nuclear bomb?" Dogbert asks, "How much?" The man replies, "Twenty bucks." Dogbert says, "Deal." Dogbert hands over the money and asks, "Does the government know about this?" The man replies, "I am the government." The man says, "It's the only way we could agree on to reduce the national debt . . . You wouldn't believe how many of these things we have." Dogbert walks down the sidewalk carrying his bomb. Several other people on the street are also carrying bombs. Dogbert thinks, "I'm glad I got mine before some liberal has a hissy fit."
Share April 07, 1997's comic on:
Alice sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Alice, your performance is good, but you must learn to deal with ambiguity." Alice asks, "Did I just get blamed for your indecisive leadership?" The Boss replies, "I'm not indecisive; I'm flexible." Alice says, "That would explain how your head got where it is."
Share September 04, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert walks by empty cubicles. He thinks, "I've downsized this company and plundered its equity by excercising my massive stock options." A chauffer holds the door as Dogbert gets into his limosine and thinks, "Yet my victory seems hollow. Something is missing." Dogbert sits on the couch with Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Maybe you're missing a sense of meaningful contribution to society." Dogbert relies, "Maybe... but I'm thinking book deal and trophy wife."
Share August 28, 2002's comic on:
An employee comes into The Boss' office and says, "Ha ha! I quit you stinkin' pile of rubbish!" The employee continues, "I'm going to work for myself. I won't need to deal with morons like you again!" The employee calms down and adds, "On an unrelated note, if you need a freelance web designer, please call me."
Share October 21, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "Here's a deal sheet for a company you should buy." Dogbert continues, "They're defending against a trillion-dollar asbestos lawsuit, and they have no earnings." Dogbert continues, "But that's okay because stock analysts don't dig that far into the minutiae."
Share February 11, 2004's comic on:
The Boss: "We haven't sold a single unit of our new wireless hassock product." "Our plan is to make the sales people work in teams and take turns wearing electroshock pants." "Now close the deal, Cliffy, or it's payback time." "BUY IT!!! BUY IT!!!"