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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #debates, #internet & world wide web, #outsiurcing, #racist, #restrooms, #debate, #internet, #learn debate

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Man: How can you compare outsourcing to our restrooms? Are you a racist? Dilbert: Um... I didn't say anything remotely like that. Did you learn to debate on the Internet? Man: How can you tell?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I've decided it's time to stop talking about world hunger and start DOING something!" Dilbert continues, "Let others debate policies. My time to act is now." Dogbert asks, "You're going to buy a smarmy bumper sticker, aren't you?" Dilbert replies, "Darn straight."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 1998's comic on:


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Dilbert sits on the couch drinking a cup of coffee and wearing a bathrobe. He says, "It takes a certain type of personality to telecommute, Dogbert." Dogbert's ears shoot up in the air and he says, "What?" Dogbert says, "Just because other people have personalities doesn't mean YOU should try to develop one." Dilbert frowns and says, "I HAVE a personality!" Dogbert says, "Let's not get into that 'Is zero a number' debate again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert sits at his desk next to Dogbert. Ratbert enters and says, "I've been invited to be a guest on 'Crossfire' on CNN." Ratbert says, "I'm the only creature on earth who hasn't already been on television." Ratbert asks, "Can you teach me how to debate on television, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "First, Ratbert, assume everybody has the same desires and experiences as you." Ratbert touches his head and says, "Absorb absorb." Dogbert continues, "Therefore, if they disagree with you they must be stupid." Dilbert says, "I think you're over-simplifying, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "What was that opinion, Ratbert?" Ratbert replies, "Stupid!" Dogbert says, "You're ready for 'Crossfire,' Ratbert." Ratbert says, "I usually like the same movies as the fat one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. The Boss enters the room and says, "I've got an idea!" Dilbert and Wally think, "We're doomed." The Boss asks, "Why can't we run our inventory database over our e-mail system?" Dilbert thinks, "Fact: that is the stupidest idea in the universe." Wally thinks, "Fact: his comprehension is so limited that debate is futile." Dilbert and Wally both think, "Fact: we could spend hours unsuccessfully explaining why it's a stupid idea." Dilbert and Wally think, "Fact: he would never know if we used his idea or not." Dilbert says, "No problem." Wally says, "We'll get right on it." The Boss walks away thinking, "My work is done." Wally tells Dilbert, "Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil." Dilbert adds, "And you don't want to get any on you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert sits in his robe, he eats breakfast and reads the newspaper. Dogbert says, "I'll give you a million dollars if you go to work like that." Dilbert stands up and says, "I'll call your bluff. I'm doing it. I'm going right now!" Dogbert says, "Go ahead!" Dogbert reads the paper and thinks, "Tonight I expect a long debate over the exact definition of "go to work like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 1999's comic on:


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A man sits in front of his computer and talks on the phone. He says, "Finally! I've been in the tech support queue for an hour!" Dogbert says, "Loser." The man says, "Can I speak to your superior?" Dogbert says, "There's some religious debate on that question."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I want to debate with people on the Internet but I worry that I'm not smart enough." "Maybe I'll just read what the smart people are saying." "Okay, I'm in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Good evening. This is the Dogbert Easy News Channel." "We bring you all the news that's easy to gather." "Today's top story is about something that was first reported in a newspaper and later read by me." "People in other countries want to kill us. The rest of the article is mostly names I can't pronounce." "We thought about asking them why they want to kill us, but they don't have phones." "So here's the next best thing: a debate between two middle-aged white guys who also don't know why people want to kill us." "They hate us because we are so wonderful." "Buy my book or you will all die!" "Next on Easy News, our panelists wll discuss dumb crooks who keep getting stuck in chimneys." "Excellent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #relations between the sexes, #silicon valley startup, #socially awkward, #seen a woman, #four years, #scalable architecture

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Boss: We bought a Silicon Valley start-up just to get the engineers. Be gentle with them. They're socially awkward and they haven't seen a woman in four years. Coworker: Who's up for a debate about scalable architecture followed by some spawning.