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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #leader, #process, #decision making, #gut, #instinct, #annoy, #question, #frustrated, #yell

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The Boss says, "A good leader uses a process for making decisions." Dilbert says, "May I take this one?" Wally says, "Go." Alice says, "Make us proud." Dilbert says, "Question: If making a decision is just a process, why can't a computer do it?" The Boss says, "Because sometimes I have to rely on my gut." Dilbert says, "Which part of your gut is the smart part? Is it the stomach lining, or maybe the colon?" The Boss says, "I'm talking about instinct. It's an indefinable leadership quality." Dilbert says, "Is the indefinable thing like a superstition?" Wally says, "Or cooties?" The Boss says, "It's a process!" Dilbert says, "Is that your colon talking?"

Boss Can't Decide Who To Vote For

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Boss Can't Decide Who To Vote For - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #election, #voting, #choice, #choosing, #decision, #indecision, #judgement

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Boss: I can't decide who to vote for in this election. Alice: Make your voting decision the same way you make your work decisions. Boss: Common sense and gut instinct? Alice: We just call it "wrong."

Boss Decision Making

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Boss Decision Making - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2016's comic on:


Tags #decisions, #thinking, #stress, #hunger, #fitbit, #health tracker, #health

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Dilbert: I hacked into your fitness band and analyzed your decision-making under different conditions. When you are hungry, tired, or stressed, you make terrible decisions. Boss: How often is that? Dilbert: Only when you're awake.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors

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Alice says, "Now you've done it. He has brain overload from your unnecessarily detailed answer." Alice says, "Great. He's totally broken and we need a decision today." Dilbert says, "Is he nodding yes?" Alice says, "I'm sensing an opportunity here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #courage, #thinking, #electronic mail

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Dilbert: This is the greatest idea ever. Why does it look so dumb when I put it in email? I'll sort it out later. Bad decision 1

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #debates, #discussion

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Man: Your email was ignorant and arrogant. Dilbert: How do you know it isn't just a reading comprehension problem on your end? Let's use logic to see which one of us is right. Bad decision 2. Bad decision 3.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #interviews

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Alice: Can you work long hours if needed? Man: Yes. It's normal for me to work 14 hours a day. Alice: Research shows that working long hours causes people to make bad decisions. So we know you're a bad decision maker. Are you a good communicator? Man: Is the right answer "no"? Interview

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #laziness

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Dilbert: Did you read my technical recommendation? Boss: No. It's too long and complicated. Dilbert: How do you plan to make a decision without reading it? Boss: I'll use my gut. Dilbert: It's probably a good idea to keep your brain out of this. Boss: Quiet! It's saying something. Noise: GROWL.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #frustration

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #despair

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Dilbert: Okay, this next decision involves six variables, four imbeciles, and one brilliant engineer. According to the Dogbert complexity algorithm, it is impossible to make a rational decision in this situation. All in favor of giving up? Boss: I found out I'm a brilliant engineer.