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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #arrogant, #awesomeness, #deep undertsnding, #meetings, #moral obligation, #no kill switch, #reports, #tecnology, #tone down

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Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being arrogant in meetings. Dilbert: That's because I have a deep understanding of technology and a moral obligation to keep simpletons from ruining the world. Boss: Maybe you could tone it down. Dilbert: There's no kill switch on awesome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #meetings, #buddha jogging, #reliability stats, #data does not exist, #random numbers, #deep understanding of reality

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The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #mineral, #water, #pharaohs, #scientifically, #produce, #deep, #relaxation, #bandages, #pyramid

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Dogbert uses a megaphone to address several people wearing only towels. Dogbert says, "You are now ready for the next step in my 'New Age Mineral Water Spa' therapy." Dogbert continues, "This next therapy was practiced by the pharaohs . . . It has been scientifically proven to produce deep relaxation." Dogbert continues, "Please pick up a roll of bandages and line up in front of the pyramid door . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #deep, #sleep, #hypnosis, #Draw, #aliens, #abducted, #e.t., #bag, #packed, #Dilbert

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Dogbert sits on a chair and Dilbert lies on a couch. Dogbert says, "You are in a deep sleep . . . Now, while under hypnosis you can draw the aliens who abducted you." Dogbert whispers, "Hint: they all look exactly like 'E.T.'" No longer hypnotized, Dilbert looks at a drawing and says, "Wow! I drew that??" Dogbert says, "They usually come back for you. Better keep a bag packed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #dating, #service, #deep, #down, #fantasy, #woman, #modelled, #brochure, #francis, #kris

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Dogbert sits at a desk under a sign that says, "Dogbert's Dating Service." A man says, "I'd like to sign up." The customer continues, "Although deep down I know that all of the people in your service are men, I cling to the fantasy of meeting the woman who modeled for your brochure." Dogbert says, "She's taken, but I can match you with somebody named 'Francis' or 'Kris.'" The man replies, "There's hope!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #farm, #kay, #clem, #bovinski, #location, #unexplained, #deep, #voice, #disturbances, #40 years, #objects, #explanation, #cut

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The strip is titled, "Dogbert's World of the Unexplained." Dogbert says, "I am at the farm of Kay and Clem Bovinski . . ." Dogbert walks up the front steps and continues, ". . . The location of unexplained phenomena." The caption says, "(Deep voice) The disturbances have lasted 40 years." The Bovinskis sit on their couch. Kay says, "Objects move all by themselves. Sometimes they hit Clem." Clem says, "I reckon it's poltergeist, no other explanation makes sense." A lamp hits Clem on the head. Clem lies on the floor and Kay sits on the couch looking suspicious. Dogbert says, "Cut."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 1998's comic on:


Tags #elbonia, #deep mud, #misogyny, #mud weasels, #kick people, #complimenting, #screaming

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Alice says to Dilbert and Wally, "I'm off to Elbonia, the land of waist-deep mud and misogyny." Wally leans back in his chair and says, "On the plus side, you can kick people and blame it on the mud weasels." Alice stands in the mud with a couple of Elbonians. One says, "What's wrong, Yugi? One second you are comlimenting this chick, next second screaming." Alice says, "Mud weasel." Yugi is doubled over in pain.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2003's comic on:


Tags #bone deep, #carefree, #medication, #shellfish, #until the pun, #beauty, #side effect, #health

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Dilbert is at a party; he has an exoskeleton. He's holding a drink and talking to a woman. Dilbert says, "My medication makes me carefree and happy, but the side effect is an exoskeleton." Dilbert continues, "Remember the old saying - 'Beauty is only skin deep.'" He giggles, "Hee hee." Dilbert continues, "But enough about me. I don't want to look shellfish." The woman responds, "You had a chance until the pun."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #estimates, #tax and shipping, #realx, #untight, #deep breath, #losing it

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Dilbert: Do your estimates include tax and shipping? Tina: Relax, relax, calm down." "There's no need to go all nuts about the tax and shipping. It's under control. Take a deep breath." Dilbert: Um...All I asked was..." " Tina: Gaaa! You're totally losing it now!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #underlings, #charismatic tone, #deep voice, #confidence, #confuse, #research, #science

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Boss: Underlings, listen to the charismatic tone of my deep, confident voice! Alice: Should we listen to the content, too, or will that just confuse us? Boss: I'll have to do some research and get back to you.