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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #diet guru, #fewer groceries, #last meal, #motivation, #murder, #stop eating, #threaten

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Dogbert: Diet Guru Dogcart: Try stuffing fewer groceries down your maw." "I was hoping you'd give me motivation. Stop eating or I'll kill you. The Boss: Would I get a last meal?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #company's, #privacy, #johnson, #cheetos, #diet pepsi, #grass, #skirts, #lawnmower

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Dilbert asks Wally, "Don't you think the company's drug testing policy is a violation of our privacy?" Wally replies, "I don't do drugs." The Boss reads a report and says, "Johnson, your blood test results are in. Looks like you live on Cheetos and Diet Pepsi . . . Your wife doesn't love you . . . And whoa . . What's this?" The Boss continues, "Apparently, you like to dress in grass skirts and make fun of the lawnmower."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 1991's comic on:


Tags #baby, #Dilbert, #woman, #due, #diet, #Wally, #question, #next

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Dilbert asks a pregnant woman, "When's the baby due?" The woman says, "Baby? What baby?" The woman continues, "Can't a woman go off her diet for one day without getting that question??" Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead. The woman thinks, "Next . . ." Wally asks, "So, when's the baby due?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1995's comic on:


Tags #saint dogbert, #land of cubicles, #demons, #computer guru, #data base concepts, #monster, #dispatched, #actual code

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The caption says, "Saint Dogbert enters the Land of Cubicles searching for the demons of stupidity." Dogbert walks down the hall wearing a bishop's miter and holding a scepter. The caption says, "Suddenly he finds an over-promoted computer guru spouting useless database concepts." A man sits at a conference table with two glassy-eyed co-workers. The man says, "You'd be fools to ignore the boolean anti-binary least-square approach." The caption says, "The monster is dispatched to the dark world by the sight of its most feared object." Dogbert stands on the conference table holding a document in front of the man. Dogbert says, "Look! Actual code!" The man's head melts into his shirt and a co-worker says, "Cool!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bad advice show, #married, #divorce, #radio show, #Dogbert, #explain, #dead woodchuck, #household tips, #black paint, #stain remover, #all cheese diet

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Dogbert is hosting a radio talkshow. He sits at the microphone. He says, "You're on the radio with Dogbert's "Bad Advice Show." How may I hurt you?" Women on the phone asks, "My boss asked me for a date. We're both married. What should I do?" Dogbert says, "Divorce your husband. He sounds like a loser to me." Women says, "Yes, yes it all makes sense when you explain it that way." Dogbert says, "Then mail a dead woodchuck to your boss with a note that says...." Dogbert is heard over the phone. Dogbert says, "Unlike this woodchuck my love for you will never die." Women says, "Thanks. I love your show." Dogbert says, "Moving on to household tips, did you know that black paint is an excellent stain remover?" Dilbert walks in with a huge black stain on his shirt. Dilbert says, "Can we talk?" Dogbert says, "And those are just SOME of the benefits of an all-cheese diet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #company concierge, #diet an dexercise, #doctor appointment, #sleeping at desk, #want pills

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The Boss says to Ratbert the Concierge, "I don't have time for my doctor appointment." The Boss continues, "Go in my place and tell him you're having trouble sleeping at your desk." The Boss says, "And don't let him sweet-talk you about diet and exercise. I want pills.!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2004's comic on:


Tags #lunch, #great opportunity, #multi level marketing, #bible, #diet plan

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"Hey, Dilbert! How would you like to go to lunch?" "Alone." "Alone! Ha ha! but then you'd miss out on this great opportunity!" "It's multi-level marketing plus a diet plan suggested by the bible!" "Shoot me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2005's comic on:


Tags #nick name, #illusion of competence, #the wizard, #info guru, #punch more, #break room, #coffee

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Wally: I need a nickname to create the illutsion of competence.<Br>"I was thinking along the lines of "the wizard" or "info-guru."" I've never wanted to punch you more than at this very moment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2005's comic on:


Tags #nickname, #the wizard, #my guru, #the lizard, #small brain, #ambition, #catches quicker

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Wally: "From now on, my nickname ill be "the wizard." It wpeaks to my guru status." Alice: "I think I'll call you "the lizard." IT speaks to your small brain and lack of ambition." wally: "Please don't." Alice: "Let's see which one catches on quicker."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2006's comic on:


Tags #marketing guru, #tractor sized mp3 players, #free ipod, #pricing

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The Marketing Guru "Consumers will buy our tractor-sized mp3 players if we offer something free with each one." "So we'll offer a free iPod with each sale, and free towing to the landfill for our mp3 player." "The rest is just pricing."