Search Results for "disaster preparedness"
Share August 25, 2013's comic on:
Tags #natural disasters, #disaster preparedness, #famine, #keyboard, #crumbs, #alene invasion, #kill a coworker, #lizard people, #impending collison, #asteroid, #running in place, #earth rotates, #planet, #hit by asteroid, #human flesh, #presentation is a disater
Wally: I've been asked to explain our disaster preparedness plan. In the event of a famine, turn your keyboard upside down and shake. If it's anything like mine, you'll find a pound and a half of crumbs. In the event of an alien invasion, your best bet is to kill a co-worker to show your allegiance to the lizard-people. In the event of an impending collision with an asteroid, try running in place while the Earth rotates. If you time it right, you'll be on the other side of the planet when the asteroid hits. To prepare for every other type of disaster, I recommend cultivating a taste for human flesh. Boss: Your presentation is a disaster. Wally: And next time you'll be prepared for it.
Share December 26, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert stands at the Happy Airlines check-in counter. He hands the ticket agent a sack and says, "This bag contains all the mail you've sent me about my 'Often Flier' status." Dilbert continues, "I'll trade everything in the bag for a seat upgrade. I'm currently assigned to an overhead bin." The woman looks in the bag and says, "Okay." Dilbert hands his boarding pass to an agent and thinks, "Whew! Disaster has been averted." The man standing behind Dilbert holds two infants. He asks the woman behind him, "Are you guys going to the colicky baby convention too?"
Share January 23, 1997's comic on:
Alice sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Don't mention any problems when you do your presentation to senior management, Alice." The Boss continues, "They might try to solve the problems during the meeting. That would be a disaster." Alice tells Dilbert, "As far as I can tell, every layer of management exists for the sole purpose of warning us about the layer above." Dilbert akss, "Are you saying they have a purpose?"
Share July 11, 1998's comic on:
The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert sitting at table. Wally says, "I'm pleased to report another stellar week of accomplishments." Wally continues, "I moved more than 800,00 bits of data to a disaster recovery back-up facility!" As Dilbert and Wally walk away, Dilbert says, "Did you just take credit for copying a file to a diskette?" Wally says, "It was my resume."
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Share June 30, 2004's comic on:
wally: "Your life is a rolling disaster, so I figure I should ask you for a date." "I'm hoping that the source of your problem is that you consistently make poor choices." "Maybe you could buy some groceries and make me a nice dinner." "Would you like to move in with me?"
Share January 24, 2008's comic on:
Alice: The new software is a disaster. The Boss: They why did you recommend it? Alice: This software is your idea. I recommended against it! So who's fault is it? The Boss: The person with the unpersuasive recommendations?
Share March 04, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "The math clearly shows that our project won't work, even if we do everything right." The Boss says, "It's embarrassing to cancel a project in the middle. Let's act dumb and hope someone in upper management cancels it for budget reasons." Dilbert says, "Should I stop buying stuff?" The Boss says, "You should buy twice as much."
Share November 28, 2009's comic on:
The Boss says, "Ted, I just got the results of your security clearance background check." The Boss says, "Homeland security ordered me to beat you to death with our emergency preparedness binder." Ted says, "But?.I haven't done anything wrong!" The Boss says, "I might have said some things about your new beard."