Search Results for "dogbert investment bank"
Share January 30, 2010's comic on:
Dogbert says, "You're an incompetent CEO, but the Dogbert Investment Bank can help you pretend to unlock shareholder value." Dogbert says, "I'll arrange an unwise merger so you can cash out while I collect an obscene commission." Dogbert says, "It's like a bribe, but instead of going to jail, a stranger will write a bestselling book with your name on it." CEO says, "Can I read it?"
Share January 19, 2000's comic on:
Tina and Dogbert are sitting in a meeting. Tina is looking at a sheet of paper and she says to Dogbert: "Wow! The Dogbert investment fund has higher fees that any other!" Dogbert answers: "It's true!" Dogbert says to Tina: "That's how you can tell it's the best fund." Tina says: "I'm in." Tina is signing a check and asks: "Are you diversified?" Dogbert answers: "Yes, I have suckers of all types."
Share October 14, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert sits behind a large desk. He says to a potential investor, "As you know, past performance is no indication of future performance." Dogbert continues, "So my strategy is to use your entire investment for my personal expenses and see what happens." The investor says, "Has that strategy ever worked before?" Dogbert says, "Geez, it's like I'm talking to a wall here."
Share July 12, 2012's comic on:
Venture Capital Dogbert: I need $100,000 for my location-based, social media, could start-up. Coworker: I'm not giving you $100,000 just because you spewed some buzz-words. Dogbert: The how about $10 million? Coworker: Wait... now it sounds like a good investment. How did you do that? Dogbert: I can tell you, but it won't be flattering.
Share January 13, 1994's comic on:
Dogbert: I call it 'Dogbert's Reincarnation Investment Fund'. You give me your money now and I invest it until you reincarnate. The compound interest will make you rich. Dilbert: What if I come back as a cow? Dogbert: You'll save a fortune in milk.
Share October 20, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert sits in an easy chair using his laptop computer. Dogbert stands on a side table and wags his tail. He says, "I'm going into the sports memorabilia business." Dogbert tosses a baseball in his hand and says, "I've heard that most autographs are forgeries, so my initial investment will be low." Dogbert says, "Can I interest you in a baseball signed by Moses?" Dilbert says, "Wow! That's going to be worth something."
Share June 27, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk. An investment banker stands across from him. Banker says, "I'm an investment banker. I can help you loot this place and escape." Banker sits next to Dogbert and reviews some material with him. Banker says, "You'll maerge with my other client company. Your golden parachute kicks in. Then you exercise your stock options on the uptick." Alice and Dilbert review merger announcement. Alice says, "You rarely see a merger announcement with the phrase, 'So long suckers.'" Dilbert softly says, "Ouch."
Share December 15, 1998's comic on:
Dogbert has his ears up and walks down the street. Dogbert thinks, "I will now use my power of cute ears to abuse the banking industry." Dogbert stands in front of a bank teller. Dogbert says, "I'd like to make a large withdrawal from other peoples' accounts." Dogbert drags a huge bag of money down the street. Dogbert thinks, "It was funny when I made her count it twice."
Share July 13, 1999's comic on:
Caption: "Dogbert gets a loan" Dogbert sits across the desk from a bank executive. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "I plan to buy all the copies of hte book I authored, thus making it a bestseller." Dogbert says, "And I'd like to use your house as collateral. Unless it's a dump." The banker says, "How are you planning to pay us back?" dogbert says, "Do you take books?"
Share January 18, 2000's comic on:
A client wearing a cap is sitting with Dogbert in a meeting. Dogbert says to him while pushing a sheet a paper towards him: "This investment combines the best features of an annuity plus a twenty-year car lease." The client looks at the sheet of paper and says to Dogbert: "How can I tell if there are hidden fees?" Dogbert answers: "You can pay me 1% per year to advise you." The client looks suspicious and says to Dogbert: "Wouldn't that be like paying a burglar to guard my house?" Dogbert answers: "Excuse my while I wag."