Search Results for "empowered to wear button"
Share March 09, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Asok and Wally, "Every employee will wear a button that says 'I'm Empowered.'" Asok responds, "I don't want to." The Boss says, "You have to." Asok and Wally walk away wearing their pins. Wally says, "That was everything you need to know about life in one package."
Share May 26, 1996's comic on:
Tags #business language, #competetive, #salary increase goodbye, #core business, #lost, #empowered, #unimportant deciosns, #reengineering, #essential, #people person, #canibal, #hire trained people, #market driven, #balme cutsomers, #value employee input, #hour, #important
Dogbert sits at a desk. The panel is titled "Business Language Explained." Someone says, "We have to be more competitive." Dilbert and Wally wear barrels instead of clothing. Wally says, "Nice barrel." Dilbert replies, "This old thing?" The caption says, "Meaning: Say goodbye to salary increases." Someone says, "We must focus on our core business." The Boss feels his head and says, "Hello." The caption says, "Meaning: We can't find our butts with both hands." Someone says, "You are empowered." Alice sits at her desk wearing a crown and saying, "I proclaim this to be 'Green Ink Day.'" The caption says, "Meaning: You're the monarch of unimportant decisions." Someone says, "We're reengineering your function." A man and a horse are kicked out an office window. The caption says, "Meaning: Adios, Tonto, and the horse you rode in on." Someone says, "Training is essential." A man at a desk asks, "You were a cannibal?" A man wearing a grass skirt and a bone in his hair replies, "I'm a people person." The caption says, "Meaning: We're trying to hire some trained people." Someone says, "We're market driven." A woman doing research asks a man, "What's your favorite odor?" The caption says, "Meaning: We blame customers for our lack of innovation." Someone says, "We value employee input." Dilbert tells the Boss, "Thanks for listening." The Boss laughs hysterically. The caption says, "Meaning: We think humor is important."
Share August 15, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: Wow, the guy who wrote this doesn't have a clue how software works. Man: When you talk about people behind their backs, it makes me wonder what you say about me. Alice: I think we just solved that mystery. Dilbert: You should wear noisier shoes.
Share February 09, 2012's comic on:
Boss: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean I can wear whatever I want, work at home, and have a huge equity position in the company? Boss: Oh, I guess I didn't know what that meant.
Share January 06, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert arrives at home wearing a headband with an antenna on it. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "The Boss is making us wear these things on our heads so he can give us painful shocks whenever he wants." Dilbert says, "I'm rewriting mine so it redirects the signal to Wally." Dogbert says, "I'm sure he'll see the humor in that." The Boss presses a button on his belt and says to Dilbert, "Okay, wiseguy, do you want more of this?!" Dilbert replies, "Maybe one more." In the background, Wally receives several electric shocks.
Share July 15, 1994's comic on:
"I hear you need a carpool urgently." "No, I need 'carpal tunnel surgery'." "The repetitive motion of typing has caused permanent damage. I have to wear braces until the surgery." "There's no room in my carpool."
Share August 02, 1994's comic on:
Dogbert's Ad Agency Dogbert: Ive developed a new slogan that captures the essence of those company. "we abuse our employess and pass the savings to you" We'll film actual employees in their squalid cubicles. The boss: Wear that shirt
Share March 25, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert is in a computer retail store. The salesman points to a computer and explains, ". . . but by far, this computer is our most user-friendly." The salesman continues, "The pre-installed software has only one button. And we press it before it leaves the factory." Dilbert asks, "What does it do?" The salesman waves his hands and says, "Whoa! I'm in over my head. Let me give you their tech support number."
Share August 08, 1995's comic on:
Alice stands in front of Catbert's desk. Alice says, "I don't understand your new dress code policy, Mr. Catbert." Catbert replies, "Maybe you're insane." Catbert continues, "It's simple. Fridays are 'casual.' But you can't wear blue jeans because jeans look good and feel good and you already own several pairs." Alice replies angrily, "It's another sadistic human resources plot to make people quit!!" Catbert answers, "Say hello to unsightly panty lines."
Share August 15, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert waving his arms. Dilbert says, "The dehumanization of my job has rendered me invisible to humans. Only you can see me, Dogbert." Dilbert asks, "How can we fix this?" Dogbert replies, "You could wear a bag on your head when you're around me." Dilbert clenches his fists and answers, "That's not the fix I had in mind." Dogbert responds, "It's not a perfect solution. I'd still be able to hear you."