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Engineers Built Everything That Matters

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Engineers Built Everything That Matters - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #importance, #marketing, #wages, #pay scale, #modern civilization, #need both, #marketing guy

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The Marketing Guy. Marketing Guy: I don't see why engineers get paid more than marketing professionals. Dilbert: Maybe because engineers designed and built every important part of modern civilization and all you did was misrepresent it. Marketing Guy: My point is that you need both. Dilbert: You really don't.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #vaccinnations, #wicked case, #disease, #heat, #every seven years, #kill me!

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Dilbert: My doctor says I have a wicked case of Pop Farr. Its when vulcans and engineers go into gear every seven years. Alice: Im pretty sure, I don't care but let me check my calendar just in case... Alice: Someone kill me! Now Now! Now! continued

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #engineers, #lust, #pon farr cycle, #irreversible urge, #mating season, #engineer mating season, #spawn, #prodcut, #unnecessary steps, #rarely happens, #specifications, #vague

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Tina says, "Did you hear that Dilbert and Alice are on the same Pon Farr cycle?" Carol says, "What?" Tina says, "Every seven years, engineers have an irresistible urge to mate. Their spawn would be the product of two engineers." There's a reason it rarely happens Dilbert says, "Your plan has unnecessary steps!" Alice says, "Your specifications are vague!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #monsters, #turned feral, #engineers, #social life, #social skills, #few weeks, #wolfman, #howls at inetrnet

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Alice: Steer clear of Darryl. He turned feral. Asok: Feral? Dilbert: That's what happens when engineers don't get invited to meetings. Alice: Darryl's only social life was meetings. Dilbert: He didn't get to use his social skills for a few weeks, and apparently he lost them. Asok: Is it like he turned into a wolfman? Dilbert: Yes, except he's better at math. And he howls at the Internet, not the moon. Asok: Can we watch? Man: How-ooo can you blog that?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #engineers, #telomeres, #value work, #company gym, #slacker trap

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Boss: We're looking for engineers with short telomeres for their age. That's an indication that you value work above exercise. Man: But you have a company gym. Boss: That's our slacker trap!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #mergers & acquisitions, #slavery is illeagal, #engineers are free, #find jobs, #better companies

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Boss: We're buying an entire company just to get their engineers. Dilbert: Are you aware that slavery is illegal and the engineers are free to find jobs at better companies? Boss: I sure hope you're wrong about that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #exit strategy, #serial talker, #infinite unrelated, #engineers

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Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2012's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #squirming, #team players, #thwart inaction

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Co-worker: Why are all the engineers in this meeting squirming when I talk? Did your boss order you to act like team players during this meeting and later thwart me by inaction? Answer me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1998's comic on:


Tags #pressure makes diamonds, #garbage more compact, #slogans, #meeting, #strong job market, #engineers, #irritation makes perals, #pressure makes whine

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At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "Our new slogan is Pressure Makes Diamonds." Wally sits to one side. Wally says,"How about Pressure Makes Garbage More Compact? I wonder if that one is taken." Dilbert looks on as The Boss frowns. The Boss walks out followed by Wally, who says, "Irritation Makes Pearls. Or maybe Pressure Makes Whine." The Boss thinks, "I hate this strong job market for engineers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 1998's comic on:


Tags #brand equity, #increasing skills, #kleenex engineers, #sneeze, #kleenex, #engineers

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Wally comes up behind Dilbert, who is sitting at his desk, and says, "While you toil in utter futility, I'm building my personal 'brand equity.'" Wally continues, "I'm increasing my skills and my contacts every day." Then, as Alice approaches, adds, "My goal is to becomes the 'Kleenex' of engineers!" Alice bumps into Wally, knocking the glasses off his face. She says, "'Scuse me, I have real work to do." Alice brings her hand to her mouth, as she says, "Ooh... sneeze coming." She opens her mouth wide, "Aaaah..." "CHOO!" She sneezes in Dilbert's cubicle and Wally's glasses go flying again. Wally is now gone. Alice and Dilbert remain. Alice tells Dilbert, "I think of Wally as the 'Kleenex' of engineers." Dilbert agrees, "Me too."