Search Results for "enhanced assessment methodology"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #project, #point, #progress, #enhanced assessment methodology, #towel, #shower, #nervous, #soul

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "?And of course we'll assess our progress along the way." Coworker says, "Will you be using an enhanced assessment methodology?" Coworker says, "I hope that means something. All I did was string together some words I heard in the hallway." Dilbert says, "Um... I'll be assessing... by measuring... and um..." The Boss says, "I better get in on this." The Boss says, "I can't support this project until I see your advanced assessment methodology plan." Dilbert says, "I'll have it in ten minutes, assuming you don't now what it's supposed to look like." The Boss says, "Very good." Dilbert says, "I'll be in the shower trying to wash my soul."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2010's comic on:


Tags #skill assessment, #lazy, #bad worker, #morning person, #sleepy, #afternoon, #sell stock, #stand on chair

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I get sleepy in the afternoon. And I'm not a morning person." Wally says, "I'm at my best for about an hour in between, which explains why I'm an exceptionally good lunch eater." The Boss says, "How's the workforce skills assessment going?" Catbert says, "I just sold all of my company stock."

Agile Methodology

Thank you for voting.
Agile Methodology - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #agile, #coding, #engineer, #method, #misunderstanding, #software

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #computer software, #computers & peripherals

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: We need to enhance our sector-relevant support for a suite of integrated risk assessment tools. Do you understand? Dilbert: Maybe. Is your point that you don't know how to communicate? Man: No. Dilbert: Oh. Then I didn't get it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 1996's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert perches on a rock using a laptop. He says to two Elbonians, "Before I accept the software you wrote under contract, tell me what development methodology you use." One Elbonian says, "We hold village meetings to boast of our skills and curse the devil-spawned end-users." The other Elbonian adds, "Sometimes we juggle." The first Elbonian continues, "At the last minute we slam out some code and go roller skating." Dilbert says, "I would find this humorous if not for the pig on my back." A pig clings to Dilbert lovingly.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 1999's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, to the boss, "As requested, I did a "risk management" assessment." Alice points to a picture of the boss with a zero over his head. Alice says, "I concluded that there was no risk of any management." Alice says, "Do you have anything to add?" The boss says, "I'll get back to you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2002's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Catbert, "I can't complete the online self-assessment survey. It asks where I need improvement and I don't need any." Dilbert continues, "The program won't let me leave that question blank." Catbert responds, "Just check the box that says you steal." Dilbert responds, "And people will understand that I don't mean it?" Catbert grins and says, "Sure."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Dogbert the Headhunter. Dogbert is meeting with a client. He says, "We'll need to reword the CEO section of your resume." Dogbert continues, "For example, there's never a right time to use the word 'plundered.'" Dogbert continues, "And instead of 'suckers ignored our P/E ratio,' say you 'enhanced stockholder value.'" The client replies, "Wow. You're good."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2005's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

How's the coding coming along? "No problem unless..." "...some moron tries to standardize on a new programming methodology in the middle of the project." "What if it's me instead of some moron guy?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2005's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

The project was moving along well until management changed our coding language and methodology. "Now our timeline is represented by this M.C. Escher print of an endless stairway." "This deep-sea submarine is looking for our morale." "Would this be a bad time to add a few features?"