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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2004's comic on:


Tags #sales drop, #invent something, #everyone wants, #visionary leadership, #demands of boss, #unreasonable demands on staff, #money making, #shortfalls

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The boss: Sales are dropping like a rock. Our plan is to invent some sort of doohickey that everyone wants to buy. The visionary leadership work is done, How long will your part take.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2006's comic on:


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"This is Dogbert's tech support. How may I abuse you?" "I get an error message every time I open an application." "Try giving me all of your personal information and then checking into rehab." "Then I'll have someone steal your identity and move in with your wife." "There's a good chance that the new guy will know how to fix your computer." "When you get out of rehab, talk your wife into taking you back." "Then never touch your computer again because it hurts the ones you love." "How's work?" "Everyone wants to talk to my supervisor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 1997's comic on:


Tags #cloud of doom, #zaps everyone, #once a minute, #past behavior, #indication of future, #won't happen again

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Dilbert sits on a bench with a woman wearing charred clothing. Dilbert says, "I have a cloud of doom that zaps everyone near me once a minute." The cloud hovers over Dilbert. Dilbert continues, "I'm looking for a woman who deson't think that past behavior is an indication of the future." A bolt of lightning from the cloud strikes the woman. Dilbert continues, ". . . A woman with absolutely no sense of pattern recognition." The woman says, "Ouch. I'm glad that won't happen again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #everyone talks funny, #not morons, #incapable, #clear communication, #think outside box, #watch ego, #before ego dies, #rebel, #do it

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The Boss sits at his desk. Asok the Intern says, "I finally figured out why everyone talks so funny in this company." Asok says, "We're not morons who are incapable of clear communication. We're rebels who like to 'think outside the box.'" The Boss says, "It's always fascinating to watch and ego just before is dies." Asok says, "I'm a rebel! Task me witha 'do it'.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 1997's comic on:


Tags #presumed dead, #like to work, #finished three projects, #lost five pounds, #gave up coffee, #seven patents, #everyone prodcutive, #life without mangement, #paradise, #spoon hug

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Wally and Dilbert are wearing casual clothes. Dilbert is dancing and Wally sits at his computer. Wally says, "Now that our Boss is presumed dead, I found I like to work." Dilbert says, "I finished three projects today!" Alice leans into the cubicle and says, "I lost five pounds, gave up coffee, and applied for seven patents!" Dilbert says, "Go, Alice!" Wally says, "Life without management is like paradise!" Tina the Tech Writer walks in and says, "Who wants to spoon-hug?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #new personal crusade, #hunt down people, #strong opinions, #bop them, #everyone on earth

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Dogbert stands on a table and says to Dilbert, "I have a new personal crusade." Dogbert holds a cardboard tube. Dogbert says, "I'm going to hunt people down who have strong opinions on subjects they don't understand. Then I'll bop them with this cardboard tube." Dilbert says, "That would include everyone on Earth except you and me." Dogbert says, "Lean over here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1998's comic on:


Tags #two week notice, #arrogant obstructionist, #bore, #good bye lunch, #quitting, #everyone happy

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Ed tells Wally, "I just gave my two-week notice." Wally screams, "Yes! Yes! The arrogant obstructionist bore is history!" Ed says, "Everyone seems to be taking this rather well." Wally shouts, "Count me in for the goodbye lunch!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #no one wants job, #village, #fillage, #dogbert as ceo

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The Boss and Dogbert sitting across from Wally and Dilbert at a table. The Boss says, "Mister Dogbert has returned as our C.E.O. becuase no one else wants the job." Dogbert, sitting between The Boss and Asok the Intern, says, "I can't tell you my plan for the assets of this company...but it rhymes with 'village.'" While Wally and Dilbert exit the meeting, Wally says, "I hope it's 'fillage.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 1998's comic on:


Tags #variance im depreciation, #four hour meeting, #stale dount, #nothing to report, #wasted donut, #threw donut, #meeting, #everyone alseep

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A presenter says, ".. Now let's look at our year-to-date variance in depreciation." Alice notices a sleeping co-worker on one side and thinks, "Only five minutes left of our four hour meeting." There is another sleeping co-worker on her other side. Alice thinks, "Uf he keeps droning, there won't be any time for my presentation." Alice thinks, "I spent a whole week preparing my presentation." Alice realizes, "Everyone else is already asleep." Alice plans, "My only hope is to stun the presenter with a stale donut." Presenter points to a chart and says, "As you can see, there's nothing to report." A donut heads for the back of the presenter's head." Alice thinks, "I wasted a donut." Everyone around her is sleeping.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1999's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #employee skills, #database, #moving everyone, #jobs, #laughed fuzzy

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Caption "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at a conference table with Wally and Asok. Catbert says, "I'm starting an employee skills database." Asok raises his hand and says, "Question: Is this the first step in moving everyone to jobs they don't want?" Catbert says, "No, no, no..... The first step was when I laughed myslef fuzzy thinking about it."